Bachmann Bails!

Embattled Minnesota 6th congressional district Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced in a taped statement released earlier this morning that she would not seek a fifth term.  In an attempt to dispel rumors that the various probes into misdeeds surrounding her failed presidential campaign were behind her decision, Bachmann, in her tape statement, cited her desire to spend quality time with those people she "truly loved".

Meanwhile in related developments, secret service protection around former President George W. Bush was doubled as was  security in Heaven for Jesus.  When reached for comment, the former President, who said he also spoke for Jesus, stated the added security measures were "...only prudent when you have a known crackpot who soon will have lots of time on her hands."  "Besides", added W, "the memory of her steely grip and the fish lips she planted on me in the House Chambers before my State of the Union Address still gives me the Heeby Jeebys".

Minnesota Racked By Disasters: Has the Apocalypse Struck the Twin Cities of Sodom and Gomorrah?

St. Paul, MN

At precisely 5:00 PM today, at the exact time that Governor Mark "Pontius Pilatus" Dayton finished setting ink to paper with his signature on the Marriage Equality Bill thus making it law and just as the world's largest naked Roman orgy and debauchery was about to get underway, an Earth shattering horn began to blow, the ground began to tremble, the sky immediately fell black and huge jets of flame erupted from burst underground natural gas lines.  The assembled masses of naked same sex couples dropped their ceremonial daggers and animal (and some human) sacrifices as panic and terror swept the crowd.  High pitched, effeminate shrieks of "Bruuucce!", "Adam!"  "Stevie!  Where are you?!"

Flashing a shocked expression of fear and utter disbelief, the Governor was quickly hustled off by his bare chested, proletariat guard (formerly Capitol Security) shattering his dream to marry his pet dog, which he had planned to do (along with consummating the union) before the heathen masses.  Amidst the widespread panic, thousands of severe looking women with close cropped hair and sensible shoes, looked at their bouffantly dressed counterparts with utter disdain..

Meanwhile, two states away, in the lavishly decorated television studios of JVM Enterprises, a menacing, low growl gave way to an evil chuckle:  "I told you sinning bastards this day would come!  I told you so..." hissed Jack Von Impe.

Star Tribune's Columnist Satire Raises Serious Issue of Unconstututional Police Behavior

Star Tribune Columnist James Lilek had a satirical (imagine that) piece in Sunday's paper paper regarding the decision by some news outlets to tweet the sex and age of suspects caught by the DWI crackdown that went into effect preceding Minnesota's Fishing Opener.  Lileks, tongue firmly in cheek, suggests it would be far more effective for the police to force a suspect to divulge his twitter handle in order to humiliate the suspect, if such shame based deterrent is to have any effect.

Well life is always stranger than fiction and as a criminal defense attorney for over a quarter of a century, I have learned never to be surprised by how low a lazy cop is willing to go to cut corners and the U.S. and State Constitutions in order to get an arrest and enhance their personal stats.  That said, I give my obligatory disclaimer that the men and women of law enforcement who do their jobs honestly, are respectful of all citizens and their constitutional rights are absolute heroes and have my utmost respect.  By the same token I have no patience and utter disdain for the buillies in blue who lie in their reports, trample the rights of citizens and view their job as somehow making up for the fact that they were picked on losers in high school.

Lilek's article reminded me of some complaints I started getting from clients shortly after the no texting while driving law went into effect.  Apparently some officers and/or departments thought it would be a good thing to ask all persons pulled over for routine traffic offenses such as speeding to see their cell phones.  The officer would then walk back to his squad with it and if he saw that you had been on your device and texting shortly before the time of the stop, you might find yourself getting issued a second ticket for a violation of Minn. Stat. Section 169.475 Subd. 2:  

"Prohibition on use.

No person may operate a motor vehicle while using a wireless communications device to compose, read, or send an electronic message, when the vehicle is in motion or a part of traffic."

The above law does not give law enforcement the right to embark on a fishing expedition to raise further revenue for cash strapped local governments by violating the constitutional rights of citizen.  Now before one of my astute colleagues points it out, yes, I am fully aware that many courts have ruled that you do not have a legitimate expectation of privacy in some forms of electronic communication but I believe such rulings are not only wrong but incredibly short-sighted and potentially dangerous.  My advice to drivers faced with such a request is to "Just say NO!"

To read the Star Tribune column go to the link below and/or read my comment in response which I include below.  The P.S. refers to a New Years Eve party hosted by the columnist which my former college roommate and I crashed, probably circa mid 80's, it's a little hazy as we drank him out of his best booze.

Lileks: Sir, I'll need your license, registration and Twitter handle

May. 12, 13 8:57 AM

 

Since good parody, and humor in general, is based upon reality, your snarky little ditty brings up a bone of contention with me. Shortly after the no texting law went into effect, I started receiving calls from clients asking whether the police could ask to see their cell phone when pulled over for routine traffic matters. The sad fact of the matter is that a good percentage of cops push the envelope and often go over the edge of what is constitutional. 

Unless you are under investigation for something more serious that a routine traffic violation, the police have no right to see your cell phone or any other electronic gear for that matter. If you are under investigation for something more serious, the ONLY thing you should be doing or saying is to refuse such requests and ask to speak with a lawyer. 

Newshound and criminal defense attorney. 

P.S. Frank and I enjoyed your bottle of Black Label many many New Years ago.

Derby Day Is Bittersweet: 5th Anniversary of Death of Track Announcer Luke Kruytbosch

I love the horses.  To be more accurate, I love the track.  The horse track.  The now shuttered Hudson dog track.  Anything but a NASCAR track, which I find excruciatingly boring.  No, give me the Daily Racing Form a cold beer and a large fortune and I can turn it into a small fortune in no time (or "Hundreds into Ones" the great Keith Sykes / Jimmy Thackery tune off of Sinner Street).

Anyone that knows me has heard the story of how a group of friends and  I came within a grey mare's length of winning a pick six jackpot of over $700,000.  We were five for five having survived a maiden race and going naked in some lower class races and were sitting sweet with the three favorites in the sixth (8th race on the card).  I was literally pinching myself as  two of our favorites were in the lead as they came around the final turn only to be passed in the home stretch.by a grey horse.  To add insult to injury there was no consolation for winning 5 out of 6 as in later years.  To this day I hate grey horses.

Well you can imagine how cool it was to hear from one of my old high school pals, Andy, that our fellow  high school and drinking buddy Luke was the track announcer at Hollywood Downs.  A few years later I was watching the Today Show the Friday before the Kentucky Derby and nearly fell out of my chair when I saw my old pal being interviewed.  He was now the track announcer at Churchill Downs.

I waited a while  then I started trying to figure out how to get a hold of Luke. Eventually I got a hold of his AOL email and emails led to a phone call and I had my old friend Klukenbach (Texas).  It should have come as no surprise but success had not changed Luke a bit.  He still had that self-deprecating sense of humor and was not afraid to poke fun at others, something we raised to an art form in high school.

Since Churchill closes down shortly after the derby, I was trying to talk Luke into coming up to Minnesota to watch some of the summer card at Canterbury.  Unfortunately the quality of horse racing in Minnesota had fallen off considerably since getting off to an exciting start in the 1980's.  Luke politely changed the subject by asking if I knew Paul Allen who he knew from track announcer circles.  I think Luke was a little envious of Allen in that I think secretly Luke would have liked to announce other sports like Allen has. One of Luke's funniest bits was to mock announce play by play of our friends when we did  something embarrassing.

In 2007 I got a new bike and started dropping hints with Luke that I could make a trip to come see him announce, say in early May.  It wasn't long before I got Luke's response.  He had found a photo ad from some kind of Kentucky personals craigslist site where some toothless white trash was offering "hospitality" in return for coinage.  I practically busted a rib laughing.  In early July of 2008 I emailed Luke and included a good natured ribbing about his dad, Carlos in an attempt to get a rise out of him.  Nothing.  I waited about a month and no response.  Finally in January 2009 I was speaking on the phone with an attorney in Louisville, and like I always do when I talk to a colleague in Kentucky, I bragged about knowing the track announcer at Churchill Downs.  There was a long silence and then the person at the other end said "What is your friend's name?"  "Well", I told him, "he has a really unusual last name, Kruytbosch, Luke Kruytbosch".  "I really hate to tell you this but your friend passed away last July".  He must have known we were really close.  Hey I don't get cable so how the hell would I have known that it was all over ESPN and that they even opened Churchill Downs in July for the funeral.

So today like every derby day, whether I am at the track or just in front of my t.v., I will say hi and honor my pal when the track announcer says those famous words:  "And they're off...".

P.S.  Pick a mudder. 

 

The Great Roll Call ‏@Mghtyfieldofvsn  

The prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective. James 5:16. Justice prevails as court rules in favor of client in forfeiture case.

 

The Big 100: Blues Just Don't Sound As Good Anymore

Happy  100th Birthday

McKinley

Morganfield

The kingpin of Chicago's post-war blues scene, Muddy combined the sound of the Mississippi Delta with a sting of urban, electrified blues throughout his fabled career. Born McKinley Morganfield on April 4, 1913, he grew up in nearby Clarksdale on Stovall's Plantation and soon came under the influence of Son House, the powerful Delta slide guitarist and singer whose raw, intense style had a huge impact on the young Morganfield.

In August of 1941, musicologist Alan Lomax traveled to Stovall's Plantation to conduct field recordings for the Library of Congress. After discovering Muddy, he set up his portable recorder and documented his bottleneck stylings and rough-hewn vocals. By 1943, Waters traveled to Chicago and soon began playing with pianist Sunnyland Slim while holding down a day job delivering Venetian blinds. After recording as a sideman on several Sunnyland sessions for the Aristocrat, Waters cut his own first session for the label in 1948 ("I Feel Like Going Home" b/w "I Can't Be Satisfied"). But it was with Chess Records that Waters would eventually hit big. His first recordings for the label, "Louisiana Blues," "Long Distance Call," "Honey Bee," and "Still a Fool," all climbed the R&B charts in 1951. He had a smash hit with 1952's "She Moves Me" and scored big once again in 1954 with a string of Willie Dixon tunes "I'm Your Hoochie Coochie Man," "Just Make Love to Me" and "I'm Ready," all seminal performances by Waters. His profile continued to rise through the '50s.  Muddy switched to an  electrified band featuring pianist Otis Spann and the exciting blues harp master James Cotton, who had replaced Little Walter in the band.

Waters continued to record for Chess through the '60s, reverting to acoustic blues on his classic 1964 outing, Folk Singer, then making an ill-advised nod to the burgeoning hippie market with 1968's psychedelic Electric Mud (which included a laughable version of the Rolling Stones' "Let's Spend the Night Together"). He continued to tour through the '70s after his career was resuscitated for the commercial masses by blues-rock star and Muddy disciple Johnny Winter, whose misguided production on a string of mediocre recordings for Blue Sky, a Columbia Records subsidiary - 1977's Hard Again, 1978's I'm Ready, and 1980's King Bee.  By far the bands best recordings in its final years were the 1978 era series entitled Jacks n Kings with the Nighthawks.

In 1982, during an appearance at the Union Bar in Minneapolis, an extremely drunk college student, whose identity is lost for posterity, approached Muddy in the basement "green room" and proffered the blues legend an album for Mr. Morganfield's autograph.  One of the Chess classics?  The lesser CBS records?  No and NO. A Johnny Winter album?? Subtle as a flying hammer.

More memorable moments that night included the drunk college students mistaking the King of Wings for Muddy at the height of anticipation and Milwaukee Slim, Minneapolis delusional answer to the blues who almost died when he tried to bull rush the stage.  He was grabbed by Muddy's personal security contingent which looked like half the front four for the Chicago Bears.  I distinctly heard the "singing bus driver" tell his captors "But I'm the singing bus driver"

Waters toured through the early '80s backed by pianist Pinetop Perkins, drummer Willie "Big Eyes" Smith, bassist Calvin "Fuzz" Jones, guitarists Bob Margolin and Luther "Guitar Junior" Johnson, and Cotton on harp.

Mckinley Morganfield passed away on April 30, 1983.

Bachmann Campaign: "Dispensing Cash for Personal and Inappropriate purposes like a Cypriot Cash Machine"

Like a group of cats playing with the world's largest ball of twine, federal campaign finance investigators began unraveling the wicked web she weaved.  Yes, of course I am talking about the first scandal with legs to hit Minnesota's Congresswoman with legs, Amelia Michele Bachmann Earhart.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, one member of the Bachmann Incumbancy Tennesse Campaign Headquarters (B.I.T.C.H.) finance committee recently interviewed by federal agents recited a litany of questionable expenditures including 23 tuition payments to a Hunnington Learning Center in Stillwater, MN, a gross of doggy sunglasses purchased in Des Moines, IA and innumerable bar tabs from the Gay 90's and The Saloon bars in Minneapolis all signed on behalf of the campaign by a shadowy, asexual character with an extremely high pitched voice under a name what looks"Marcia Bachmann" (sic).

Said one official close to the investigation, Bachmann's campaign was dispensing cash for personal and other inappropriate purposes like a "Cypriot Cash Machine".

The Selfish Politics of Conservative Republicans and the Return of Amelia Earhart

I love the selfish politics of conservative Republicans as demonstrated at the vaudeville show called CPAC.  Like Chaney before him, Sen Portman only has empathy when it comes to one of his own.

Worster yet was the reappearance of the Amelia Earhart of the Republican Party, Michelle Bachmann who has underwent a political "makeover".  The lighter than air, recently undisappeared Mrs. Bachmann is now claiming to be the mantle of a kinder, more gentle brand of conservatism, much like she belatedly tried to coop the "It's Not Tea it's GOP" movement .

Always one to enter an intellectual battle unarmed, the ridiculous congresswoman from Minnesota only ammunition was an ad hominen attack on the President and first family for their "lavish life style" because someone walks their dog. 

Hmmm.  I seem to remember her closeted gay husband saying he was out shopping for sunglasses for their dog the day Amelia Michelle dropped out of the Presidential race and out of sight.  Now tell me what is more bougie*, being the President of the United States and not always having the time to walk your dog or being a so called conservative Republican Congresswoman married to an obviously closeted gay man who flamboyantly puts sunglasses on your dog.

*Urban Dictionary: bougie

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bougie

1. bougie. July 12, 2005 Urban Word of the Day. Aspiring to be a higher class than one is. Derived from bourgeois - meaning middle/upper class, traditionally ...

Swiss "Rip Off Initiative" Their Best Idea Since the Army Knife

 

Look out all you fat cat CEO off shore tax cheats, your days of head quartering in Switzerland are coming to an end.  In a move that this country should have implemented as part of the Republican watered down Dodd Frank Wall Street reforms, the Swiss are expected to pass a referendum entitled the "Rip Off Initiative".

As part of the "Rip-off Initiative", shareholders of Swiss head quartered corporations will be given the right to hold a binding vote on a company's compensation for executives and directors. This includes both base salary and their dearly beloved annual bonuses.  The initiative would further ban the huge signing and departing bonuses (i.e. "golden hellos" and "golden parachutes") often part of executive compensation packages and would require more transparency and full disclosure to shareholders of.self-dealing by executives in the form of personal loans.  The proposed penalties for violating the rules range from a fine of up to six times their annual salary and/or up to three years in prison.

As you will recall, Dodd-Frank does not mandate regulation of pay levels for executives of corporations head quartered in this country even though most financial regulators would agree that there is a legitimate interest in setting compensation rules because the structure of compensation can have an impact on the level of risk-taking. Decisions made within individual institutions may be excessively risky because executives are counting on government support should the company lose its risky bets.  Instead, to offset this incentive to take excessive risk,  Dodd-Frank merely required that a significant part of the pay of executives and other risk takers should be delayed and paid out over several years.  That was it.  The Wall Street crowd just laughed at us thanks in large part to the work of their Republican (and some Democratic) shills aka Congress men and women.

It is about time the American People pressured our elected officials for real, Swiss-like Wall Street reform.  In the meantime you can expect an exodus of Biblical proportions by Swiss head quartered corporations once the "Rip Off Initiative" passes.

Ignorant Tea Party Talking Points: U.S. is the Next Greece and Federal Budget akin to Family Budget; the Simpleton's Math

"We got to fight 'em over there so we don't have to fight 'em over here!" used to be my favorite example of the GOP pr machine distracting the ignorant masses with an absolutely false and ridiculous argument to further their illegitimate and in the case of the Iraq War, an illegal and immoral purpose.  Well step aside "fight 'em over there" you've been replaced as the numero uno asinine argument by the dynamic duo argument that is on the lips of even normally intelligent Republicans.

"What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"  Well thanks for asking, Gary.  What I am referring to is the moronic and overly simplistic and  inane notion that the U.S. is on the road to becoming the new Greece economically and the U.S. budget is akin to the household budget.  These two ridiculously false concepts are used as argument stoppers, trump cards if you will, when trying to have a rational discussion with people on the right.

This is why we have such gridlock in Washington.  You cannot have an adult conversation with someone on the right because they have been brainwashed by the GOP pr machine which reduces complex problems down to 10 second sound bytes and slogans.  I would be incredibly insulted if my party thought so little of my intelligence that it had to boil down complex concepts into kindergarten age analogies.

Balancing the Federal budget is not in anyway analogous to balancing the family household budget.  The Federal budget was never intended to be balanced on a regular basis.  That is its whole purpose.  The founding fathers ran up huge deficits for its time that took many years to pay off.  All this talk of a constitutional amendment to require a balanced budget is not only stupid but dangerous.

Conflating the U.S. economic situation with that of Greece is so false for such obvious reasons I giggle whenever one of the Cracker Barrel bonobos throws it out there, like one of my colleagues did yesterday.  Let me see, the U.S. is not part of the European Union, is politically autonomous and can print its own money.  Under those circumstances, the analogy to Greece is specious and intellectually dishonest.  But hey, when your party is intellectually bankrupt I guess you run what you brung

A One Month Hiatus and My How Things Have Not Changed

 
It's hard to believe that it has been an entire month since I took my self-imposed hiatus from the Great Roll Call.  I would like to be able to say that it was to done to recharge my creative juices and reflect on the style of writing I have engaged in the past and want to compose in the future.  Truth be told, the Don Quixote of the Minnesota Progressive Blogosphere came down with a particularly virulent strain of respiratory flu from which I have yet to fully recover from.  Thankfully while I was wallowing in self-misery the political landscape in the country underwent an incredible transformation and now the little children in that adult kindergarten we call Congress are suddenly getting along well with others and placing country first.  NOT!

Buckle your seat belts America.  It should come as no surprise that the party of the grotesquely rich and stupid are more than happy to drive the economy right back in the ditch over a wrong headed principle that flies in the face of all logic and rational economic thought.  Much like their ideological forefather George Wallace who famously said in his 1963 inaugural address as Governor of Alabama "...in the name of the greatest people that have ever trod this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever" the "It's Not Tea its GOP Party" have made "Austerity now, Austerity tomorrow, Austerity forever" their Rebel Yell.

Well leave it to me to have to break it to these Cracker Barrel bonobos aka the Tea Party, but we are in the midst of a liquidity trap set in an extremely fragile economy just beginning to recover from the last boom and bust cycle that your  Wall Street marketeers put us through to our chagrin and their great financial gain.  Much like the Goldman Sachs execs that sold the country short while promoting known losers to its own customers, the Tea Bag wing of the GOP have got to know that their over emphasis on austerity now is going to dampen the recovery no doubt so that they can then point their fingers at the Democrats in time for the 2014 mid-term elections.  If they can convince 70% of the American people that the deficit and long term debt are the most critical issues facing the country when in fact it is job creation and strengthening our fragile economic recovery, I guess we do get the government we deserve.

 "...then all I've got to say, God didn't make the little green apples, and it don't rain in Indianapolis in the       summer time...And there's no such thing as make-believe, puppy dogs or autumn leaves, no BB guns.
God didn't make the little green apples,and it don't snow in Minneapolis when the winter comes."

(Note to the Tea Party and Roger Miller:  We've got plenty of snow in Minneapolis last time I looked and if you want my BB gun "...you will have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers"!)

When Your Wrong: When Snarky becomes Sneering, Its Time to Step Back and Reflect

I admit it.  I got carried away while tweeting a couple of days ago.  While watching the local late night news (can you rally call 9pm and 10pm late night?).  I normally don't waste my time with 20 minutes of weather and 5 minutes of happy news and sports but there was a breaking news bulletin.  One of my favorite black hat GOP characters, Michael Brodkorb, the former GOP PR guy notorious for throwing the verbal incendiary hand grenades, was reported to have just been in a serious traffic accident.

While I never for a moment was happy that the person was physically injured, there are very few human beings who deserve that and Brodkorb has never done anything to me personally other than to really annoy me.  Hell I don't even know the man.  But the point I lost in my glee and zeal to explore the funny possibilities of political one liners that this situation presented was here was another human being, with a family and friends who were very concerned over his physical well being and here is this jerk making light of a horrible accident within minutes of it occurring.

Truth be told, I did question, for a few moments, whether this type of tweet had crossed the bounds of snarky funny and was either ignorant or just plain old mean.  I try to think that I am neither but I am hardly the one to judge. As a matter of fact, this is exactly the point I continually lecture my conservative Republican friends over when they show an utter lack of compassion when it comes to social programs or extending unemployment insurance.  "There by the Grace of God go you" I repeatedly tell them.  Good thing I am a lawyer and only very rarely listen to myself.

So it was with some trepidation that I signed in to my twitter and email accounts associated with this blog following my obnoxious tweets.  Although I noticed I had picked up a few new followers or phrased another way "a 30% increase in followers", it only goes to show how as a society we reward bad behavior and especially, bad television. But there it was like an email from my conscious or better self:  "Yeow. Ouch.Too soon. Even for that Asshat."  And she was absolutely right.  I think it was Wylie Hubbard who said "If we live in forgiveness we die in our dreams".  While I am not sure exactly what this means, I do know that if you don't live in forgiveness you will die miserable and alone.  So thanks Kimbers, I deserved that.

I gotta believe that the reason that American Idol, Survivor, Big Brother and the countless cable "real tv" programs exist, ad nausea, is the humiliation factor.  This is one big reason I refuse to watch any of these electronic forms of garbage, (unless I am visiting a good friend's home whose cable box is stuck between Pawn Stars, Pickers and H2 the search for Ancient Alien deficit spenders or some such rubbish).

My favorite (dark and after New Town, very dark) comedy of 2012 was Bob Goldthwait's brilliant "God Bless America".  Don't feel bad if you have never heard of it, like his other comedic masterpiece "Shakes the Clown" this won't be coming to a theater near you.  The best, funniest comedy dares to speak truth and Bobcat lets rip with such an honest critique of current American society that is at the same time hilarious and "soul crushing" to quote the film's protagonist, Frank.  I call it the new Shakespeare Soliloquy.

I have to believe that the idea for the movie grew out of one of the three minute rants that are so perceptive and universal that his friends and colleagues encouraged him to expand it.  Unlike a Will Farrell comedy (needlessly long SNL sketch with very funny premise), Bobcat's GBA has a story line and characters who have some depth but whom, like in modern society, we do not become too emotionally attached to.  It is that emotional detachment that allows us to see people as numbers, numbers as statistics and make policy decisions with all the thought and complexity of "balancing the household or small business budget" to paraphrase Republicans.

Here are the offending tweets:

  The Great Roll Call ‏@Mghtyfieldofvsn

Former GOP PR goon #Brodkorb attempts one last hook up with Amy Koch but connects with bridge abutment in honest mistake. Please get well.

The Great Roll Call ‏@Mghtyfieldofvs  In stunning development #Brodkorb reveals relationship with Koch strictly virtual. Like #Teo she was just a pigment of his imagination

And my tweeted apology:



The Great Roll Call ‏@Mghtyfieldofvsn  Doing what I did to others who I dislike for doing what they do, even to prove a point, makes me too a pile of doo. Apologies to #Brodkorb

(And my apologies to Amy Koch)

Republicans Finally Adopt A Smart Approach to Problem Solving, Now Expand it to the Economy

Hats off to my Republican brethren.  They have finally started down the road to enlightenment by approaching problem solving using the best tool we as humans have, the scientific method.  Cool headed, grounded in reason and logical, that's the approach Americans are yearning for, along with an acknowledgment that facts are facts and science, when not pressured and co-opted, are the best beacons we have to lead us out of the darkness.  So what is the most visible and obvious issue where the Republicans are taking the correct approach to with regards to problem solving?  Gun Control.

Forget about the NRA.  They have morphed into nothing more than the reactionary, lunatic, right-wing-nut fringe of the Tea Party i.e. "It's not Tea its GOP".  With their cheap made in China ball caps and mailing list of mindless followers, many of whom, I am willing to bet, would not pass a federal firearm purchase background check, care more about advancing the partisan interests of the Republican Party, as pawns for the wealthy and big business, then the interests of working class America.  Don't believe me? 

In a very revealing and damning encounter I had with a NRA Representative back in the run up to the 2004 presidential election, I had the opportunity to pose the $64,000 Question (i.e. $10,000 Romney debate bet) to one of the believers.  The NRA was in the midst of a membership drive, using for its call list, no doubt,  the State of Minnesota's list of persons who purchase some kind of firearms hunting license. 

I am a long time hunter,  firearms enthusiast, and defender of constitutional rights.  As a criminal defense attorney for over  25 years, I  have represented clients that have been subjected to the most outrageous, reprehensible and illegal conduct on the part of out of control, over zealous law enforcement agents only to have said conduct swept under the rug by gutless judges concerned more about their re-election then weeding out these criminal, bad apples from the ranks of law enforcement.  It was only through this experience that I belatedly came around to the view that the Second Amendment is a check on our government just as much as it is necessary for the maintenance of a well regulated militia.  Despite, or because of, the above beliefs, I have never been a member of the National Rifle Association.

So when I asked the middle aged woman with the Texan drawl, "Why is it the NRA only seems interested in advancing the political careers and issues of the Republican Party over those of working class Americans on non-Second Amendment Issues?" it must have caught the aspiring secessionist off guard.  After an embarrassingly long, pregnant pause, (apparently her script did not anticipate someone posing an intelligent question) the former runner up to the Mrs. Texas Pageant panicked and gasped into the phone "We don't want you as a member anyway!" and hung up.  My response, had the NRA Representative had the courage to stay on the phone, would have been simply "Well praise the Lord!".

The Republicans are right that the vast majority of so called "solutions" to firearm violence in this country recently proposed by the President would have had little or no effect in stopping many of the recent and worst of the mass killings.  It is the Republicans, of all people, who are correctly saying, "Whoa, let's look at this problem rationally and respond, not in knee jerk fashion, but in a meaningful, scientific manner" (I paraphrase).

All I would ask is for the Republicans to have the same honest, logical and scientific approach to solving the other big, and I would argue, more pressing, issues facing the country.  If only the Republicans would take their new found sense of reason to issues  like the economy, the budget and the deficit, they would come to the understanding that the Federal Government's Budget  is not the household budget, that the United States of America is not Greece and that to grow private sector jobs in the midst of a liquidity trap we need to SPEND MORE in the short term, NOT LESS! 

Yes, we all know there is a long term debt problem. But the best approach to dealing with this LONG TERM debt problem is for the Federal Government, the lender of last resort in a liquidity trap, to invest in long needed and overdue critical infrastructure projects.  With interest rates at all time lows and the work needing to be done in any event, it is an absolute "no brainer" (i.e. "no Boehner").

We, as a nation,  desperately need bi-partisan leadership to create jobs and keep the economy moving forward.  One only needs to look at Britain to see that austerity, in the midst of an economic recovery this fragile, plunges you back into recession.  Unfortunately the Republicans seem Hell bent on torpedoing the economy, no doubt so that they can blame the President and gin up support for their next pro-wealthy, anti-middle class presidential candidate.  America deserves and the times demand, better.

#NRA Crowd Riddled, Riddled with Doubt and Uncertainty.

The Great Roll Call

@Mghtyfieldofvsn

 

 

 

 #NRA crowd has gone over the proverbial cliff. They are riddled, riddled with doubt and uncertainty. #Biden's pleas dont fall on deaf ears 

 

 

 

For a surprisingly cogent counterpoint, see NRA's Keene's interview on NPR on January 11, 2013:

NRA Head: Registry Of Gun Owners Would Be Very Dangerous

BBC Responds to Plainsense

 BBC World Service

Outlook

 

Naming the Dead on the Mexican Border

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful email about the Robin Reineke interview – I’ve passed it on to our presenter Matthew Bannister and the producer responsible.  We’re very lucky on this programme that we get to ‘meet’ so many inspiring people.

Thank you too for the revealing story of your friendship with the Guatemalan, although I’m sorry it meant such a horribly early start…

 

Best wishes from the Outlook team, and happy New Year,

 

Sue Waldram

Producer

 

 

Memorable Musical Moments in 2012

1.  Ruthie Foster:  "Let it Burn" best cd of 2012.  From opening harmonies of 5 Blind Boys on "Welcome Home" to duet with William Bell and one-up cover of Los Lobos' "This Time", backed by some of music's finest including the likes of George Porter Jr., Ike Stubblefield and Dave Easley, a true masterpiece!

2.  Alabama Shakes EP, Letterman's birthday show appearance & sold out First Ave show.  Fun to go along for ride with best young players in a generation.

 3.  Springsteen & E St:  "Wrecking Ball" lp and 2nd nite in St. Paul on my B-day with my 2 kids next to stage for 3+ Hrs I'll cherish rest of my life!

4.  Three  Chords Good Reunion Tour Graham Parker & the Rumour and Final Show North American Tour at Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul.  Thoroughly satisfying performance by one of the greatest bands to ever cross the pond.

5.  Alejandro Escovedo "Big Station".  His strongest collection since"Man Under the Influence".

6.  The Nighthawks "Damn Good Time".  The addition of Mark Stutso on drums and new plumbing for Mr. "Guard Your Heart" Mark Wenner hopefully means more Night Work for the Nighthawks in 2013!

New Year's Eve 2012: One Step from the Abyss

"I took one step into the abyss
One step into the void
One step further than I'd ever been
It was something I wanted to avoid..."
Graham Parker & the Rumour :  "Three Chords Good"

I always viewed New Year's Eve as Amateur's Night.   A night when those unaccustomed to running with the big dogs came out from under the porch, usually with disastrous results.  After a particularly spectacular rotten New Year's Eve in the early to mid 80's (the exact year I have blocked from my memory) I got into the habit of challenging people to a contest over who had the worst New Year's Eve story.

What I can remember about my entry is not pleasant.   Our ride ditched us on a 20 below zero night at a party hosted by our college friend Geek who had invited several obviously underage teenage girls.  Shortly before midnight I could hear the 16 and 17 year olds retching through the bathroom door, only to come out and french kiss my friends at midnight.  Thankfully I was able to convince a group of Northwest Airline stewardesses to give my brother and I a ride back to my parents house where we still resided.

I had just crawled into my warm king sized water bed (it was the 80's after all)  just in time for our (former) friend who had ditched us wake me up pleading for help as he had run out of gas.  In those temperatures it was literally a potentially life threatening situation.  Ever the nice guy I asked my father for permission to use one of his cars to which he in no uncertain words refused.  Nevertheless, I waited a few minutes then stole the keys and crept out of the house to save Seavey.

I brought a gallon of gas to Seavey who was outside the Bishop Whipple Building at Fort Snelling, sarcastically thanked him for deserting my brother and I the previous night and hurried back to my parents house on West river Road praying to God my father was still asleep.  Luckily the household was still asleep and just as I climbed into my warm watetbed the phone rang.  You guessed it, Seavey, and he had again run out of gas.    ...to be continued...

Skol Vikings

Vikings, heroes of song and story.
Vikings, winner of ancient glory.
Fighting for the right,
Fighting with our might,
With the strength of ten, 
and one extraordinary man.

Vikings, Packers are not safe when near them.
Vikings, only the evil fear them.
Steel in our eyes,
Iron in our thighs,
Virtue in our hearts,
Fire in every part,
Of the Mighty Vikings.

Join us at the sideline,
Standing there with pride,
Victory is here,
Raise a mighty cheer,
At the sight of Vikings.

Enjoy Your Bowl Game Gopher Alums, It Only Cost $800K

As you are watching Jerry's kids battle Texas Tech this evening just a reminder not to fawn over new Gopher Athletic Director AD Norwood Teague  or Head Coach Jerry Kill.  While Kill did get the Golden Gophers into a bowl game this year, it comes at a very high price.

You see, when Coach Kill arrived in 2010 he looked over the schedules for the upcoming years and was scared of those perennial ACC football titans. the UNC tar heels.  "Scared of a school known for its legendary basketball program?"  You ask.  Why Yes, so much so that the fainting goat cried to Papa Jo-el Maturi's replacement, Norwood, who backed Kill's phobia to the tune of $800k to buy their way out of the contract.  According to Norwood it all comes down to confidence.  Confidence.  That is what the goat's explanation was and Norwood "saw the light" of Kill's feeble excuse.

With money so short and my kid owing $60K in student loans for her U of M education, the idea that these two clowns would rather pay a king's ransom then man up and play a mediocre football program is simply pathetic and a criminal waste of public funds.

 http://www.1500espn.com/sportswire/Gophers_AD_supports_Jerry_Kills_decision_to_dump_UNC_from_schedule101612

 http://www.mndaily.com/2012/10/17/gophers-pay-800k-opt-out-games

(Tip of the hat to one of my colleagues at work whose praise of Kill was the impetus for this article.)

A Beautiful American, Robin Reineke: She Identifies the Dead on the U.S. Mexican Border

 The following is an email I sent to the BBC radio program Outlook regarding their story Naming the Dead on the Mexican Border which was originally aired December 20, 2012 and replayed this morning, Christmas Eve 2012.

Dear BBC:

It is 3:52am in Minneapolis, MN USA and I have to be up for work in a couple of hours yet I dragged myself out of bed on a very cold winter morning to convey my gratitude and admiration for a fellow American and human being.  Robin Reineke exemplifies the very best in the human spirit:  empathy, warmth, compassion, fairness and a "there by the grace of God" attitude as she goes about her very important work of identifying the remains of her fellow human beings who, through forces most often not of their own making, wind up in a life or death struggle in the hopes that they can provide meager sustenance for their families back in Mexico and Central America.

What really got to me and chokes me up as I type this email is the story of the group of Guatemalans that became lost and Ms. Reineke had the sad but honorable task of contacting families of the deceased and then traveling to the small village in Guatemala to identify the victims and inform their loved ones of their demise.

Approximately 10 years ago I had a person knock on my door to inquire if an old Toyota pick-up I had parked in back of my garage was for sale.  The vehicle had a broken axle and was sitting there rusting away because I had not gotten around to having it towed to the junk yard.  This person offered me more than a fair price for what I believed to be nothing more than scrap metal and asked if he could come over the next Saturday and work on it.  I agreed thinking he was going to prepare it to be towed.  To my utter amazement, in just a few hours and with nothing more than the most basic hand tools, the man had hand chiseled a new part, repaired the axle and had the truck up and running and drove it off my property. 

Over the course of the next several years I got to know and admire my new friend from Guateamala.  He told me of how at the age of 16 he was walking along the road to his village when he was pressed into military service by a passing truck of Guatemalan army soldiers.  Being just 16 and having never been separated from his mother and family before, he had run away from the army training camp where he had been taken and this innocent, scared act of a homesick teenager marked him as a deserter and probable communist sympathizer. Most Americans probably are unaware that in this small central American country just South of Mexico, more than a quarter of a million Guatemalans have died in what amounts to a civil war.  So I have very little patience for the so called Minute Men, Tea party and other types that William Lederer and Eugene Burdick so effectively parodied in their novel "The Ugly American" over a half century ago.  I truly know that for every Ambassador MacWhite caricature (i.e. the real "ugly American": an ethnocentric, jingoistic fool) there are a hundred Robin Reinekes.

So thank you to the BBC and its reporter for bringing us this truly inspiring story of a beautiful American, Robin Reineke.

Robert Bork: Constitutional Coward Who Did Nixon's Bidding As Trigger Man in Saturday Night Massacre Dies's

Here is my email to PBS' Talk of the Nation Political Junkie Segment on the death of Robert Bork:

Political Junkies?  You guys are not even casual users if you can mention the passing of Robert Bork and NOT mention his infamous deed which cost him a seat on the Supreme Court.  He was Nixon's trigger man at Justice on the Saturday Night Massacre (#3 at Justice after his two superiors refused, rightly, to fire special prosecutor).  My father was a chief counsel of a judiciary subcommittee and later staff counsel for Judiciary Committee Chairman Sen. Jim Eastland.  My father's good friend and Judiciary Committee Chief Counsel, Francis Rosenberger under Eastland still had contacts with with committee staffers in the know when the votes were tallied, so I know on credible authority that was the real reason when the judiciary committee caucused and voted down sending his nomination to the floor.(Although Bork gave them window dressing with his testimony).

Eat your hearts out Notre Dame and Alabama!  The BCS Championship Bowl?  Forget about it! Thanks to outgoing Minnesota Athletic Director Joe El Maturi aka Minnesota's Poppa Joe, the man who fired the best football coach  the University of Minnesota has had since Murray Warmath, Glen Mason, and replaced him with Mr. Goatfer Nation himself, "Terry" the idiot Brewster, and when that didn't work out so good, instead of learning from his mistake and going with competence baby, Maturi went cheap and the sympathy route hiring a small school bumpkin whose one trick pony, er, I mean goat, is to faint  during or shortly after each Gopher loss!  And what is the University of Minnesota's beautiful reward for the Maturi Mistake:

THE MEINEKE TOILET BOWL?

YOUR RETIREMENT CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH.

 

Get your Maturi Minnesota Meineke Bowl Merchandise and    Cheer on the Road Kill Tour Finale:

Bruce Springsteen and Understanding the American Dream

"You have to make up your mind whether you want to be a good citizen..,."  Ione Johnson, 6th grade teacher, Lewinsville Elementary School, McLean, Va. circa 1973

Ione Johnson, my 6th grade teacher was a force of nature. Standing approximately 5 and a half feet tall (or a little more) and just about as wide, Mrs. Johnson was the teacher you prayed you wouldn't get the next year when you were a 5th grader.  Tough and demanding, Mrs. Johnson expected alot out of her pupils, not only academically but from what she constantly harped on as "good citizenship".  If you did not act like a "good citizen" justice was swift and harsh in Ione Johnson's class.  She would place the offending "bad citizen" in the corner between the hinges and the class room door and then lean against it from the other side with all of her nearly 300 pound mass squeezing the bad citizenship and nearly the life out of her hapless victim.  I made sure I was a good citizen.

After matriculating from elementary school I went on to Longfellow Junior High, a holding cell for prepubescence adolescence for two years until the institution released its prisoners to the custody of McLean, Marshall and Falls Church High Schools.  It was in Longfellow Junior High when I made friends with one of the cool kids, Andy Littlejohn, who would go on to be one of my best friends.  Andy was also the first one to turn me on to a streetwise hipster songwriter and musician, Bruce Springsteen and his older siblings' record, "The Wild, the Innocent and the E Street Shuffle" sometime around 1974 or '75.

Truth be told I did not pay a whole hell of a lot attention to Springsteen until late 1975, early '76 when I was over at Owen Thomas' house.  Owen was the coolest person I ever knew up until then.  He was a senior, was loved by all the girls and a very good tennis player.  Owen also strung racquets to make money.  It was while in Owen Thomas' bedroom/tennis shop (complete with parachute ceiling) watching him put the finishing touches on the strings to my Dunlop Maxply tennis racquet that I would hear the album that would change my life, "Born to Run".  Like most people who heard it I was mesmerized by the lyricism and memorized the lyrics to every song.  The album became my alter ego, so much so that at one point in the 9th grade that I even briefly dated a girl named Wendy.

Fast forward to my 51st birthday in November 2012.

Much like the election, I am still digesting last night's Springsteen concert so it's probably too early for me to get it completely in perspective.  After seeing Bruce and the E Streeters countless times dating back to my first show at Georgetown's McDonough Arena in the Fall of 1976 I thought nothing could amaze me anymore, but seeing one of my favorite bands, with my two children by my side,a few feet away from the stage and on my birthday is enough to reduce this writer to tears.

My senses are still overwhelmed by the aural onslaught, physical exertion, musicianship and sheer  perfectionism that goes into putting together a show like last night's three hour plus labor of love...(to be continued)

He's the One at 51!

The Great Roll Call ‏@Mghtyfieldofvsn

"She's the One" but today I turn 51 and taking my two kids to see the greatest rock n roll band the #Springsteen & E Street Band Thanks Pete!

  The Great Roll Call ‏@Mghtyfieldofvsn

What will Tag, Blip, Ditto, Dot, Rainbow, Blitzkreig and Xyklon do now their Dad is a complete failure? 

 

A Nickel And A Nail (In Romney's Chances)

They say good things come in threes.  Just a week ago I am fairly certain that the President would have been happy with just one lousy break, as in "What does a guy gotta do around here to catch a break?"  But just as things seemed to be spiraling out of control and thoughts of a Romney victory were beginning to look less like the desperate dreams of the lunatic fringe and more like a distinct possibility, it happened.  The proverbial game changer.

Just like the Protestant Wind swept in and destroyed enough of the Spanish Armada to sufficiently weaken it setting up the English victory at the Battle of Gravelines and saving Queen Elizabeth I's England, Hurricane Sandy swept past Florida and hit the Jersey Shoreline as hard as Snooki got punched in the bar stopping Romney's momentum in the polls and in the minds of the American people.  Unlike Snooki's one punch KO, Romney's campaign was hit by a flurry of blows, anyone of which was stunning in and of itself, but the combination of so many shots in quick succession may be too staggering for Romney/Ryan to recover from.

First it was the endorsement from Republican, former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Secretary of State Colin Powell.  Powell's endorsement is particularly devastating considering that he is one of the few and maybe only former high profile Bush Administration cabinet member who retains a favorable public opinion and reputation for candor  and honesty.  Then even more amazing, at least to me, was the cooperation and candor of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie who praised and continues to praise the Obama Administration's handling of the storm and its aftermath.

So there is three good things and you are thinking the good luck streak is over when former Republican, now independent, Mayor of New York and America's Jewish Mother, Michael Bloomberg endorses the President and rubbed the noses of the know nothing Conservative Republicans whose mantra has long been that Global Warming is a hoax.

All the while candidate Willard is a voice in the wilderness , too remote for the public to hear or even care.

So that's four, what about the fifth punch?  The nickel was the revelation that there was little or no delay in responding to the storming of the Libyan "Embassy", and the nail in Romney's chance of ever becoming President came this morning in the form of the October economic and job numbers which were better than expected and showed slow but steady progress.  Forward.

Kurt Bills Gets It 25% Right In Only TV AD Buy

I don't know what I'm more surprised about, mentioning non-candidate Kurt Bills within 10 days of Election Day or that he got something right, albeit only about 25% right.

Here's what Bills got right:  There is a HUGE scandal over at the Hennepin County Attorneys Office.  The scandal is over the Hennepin County Attorney not prosecuting perhaps the most serious of all crimes in a nation governed by a constitutional form of government.  The Hennepin County Attorney refused to prosecute the case in the face of such overwhelming evidence even comic strip attorney Steve Dallas of Doonesbury fame could win a conviction against this band of heinous criminals.

But that's where it ends for non-candidate Bills, he gets nothing else right or even remotely close.  The scandal does not involve former Hennepin County Attorney Amy Klobuchar, but rather it involves current Hennepin County Attorney Mike Freeman.  The scandal does not involve Minnesota Ponzie King Tom Petters, but rather criminals infinitely times more dangerous and corrupt.  Yes I am talking about the largest criminal syndicate in Minnesota State history:  the Metro Gang Strike Force.

If Mike Freeman had any moral, ethical or honorable cells left in his criminally cancerous carcass, he would either reopen his investigation and win prosecutions against these armed and dangerous felons who are putting the lives of all Minnesotans in danger on a daily basis or he should at least have the guts to resign.

So non-candidate Bills, if you are going to blow your wad and entire campaign war chest on your only TV ad buy of the election, at least get it all right, not just a quarter.

(Losing) 2 Out of 3 Ain't Bad?

Only if you are the San Francisco Giants or Meat Loaf but certainly not for the chameleon candidate, Mitt "Leggo my Eggo" Romney.  Apparently, and I say apparently because you never know what Mr. Waffle is going to say next. Let's face it, Willard Romney makes John Carey look like Winston Churchill.

 "Mitt" Romney is so Moderate these days...(audience participation part, you say:)  "How moderate is he?"  Mitt is so moderate he makes Mondale look like Mountbatten.*

The spin coming out of the RNC and Romney's camp goes something like this:

       "He accomplished what he had to in the first debate and by merely showing up to the next two debates and saying whatever he had to to soften his image for the sake of the women's vote and more centrist independents, he accomplished his mission with flying colors."

Talk about a bunch of apologists.

All I know is that the proof is in the pudding and you can't have your meat til you eat your pudding.  Finally the proof is in.  Henry Blodget, CEO and Editor-in-Chief of Business Insider and Mike Norman Economics have teamed up to provide irrefutable proof that the President's economic stimulus worked.  See

Here Are The Charts That Should Get Obama Reelected...

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/charts-that-should-get-obama-reelected-2012-10?op=1#ixzz2AJLRJRWN

*The author is showing off his literary skills and historical knowledge through the use of alliteration and arcane reference to Lord Louis Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma.

Candidates, StartYour Engines: Who Was That Guy in the Mitt Suit Last Night?

Who was that shy, needy girl dressed up like Mitt Romney debating the President last night?  Willard, you of all people, should be the last one to criticize the President about an"Apology Tour" after last night's performance!  Jeez, talk about being b----slapped and set straight.  Listening to the Third Presidential Debate  replay on the radio, without having to look at Mitt, mugging like a male model, really allows you to focus on the content of their message and the President had by far the superior message.

As I started to drift away on Mitt's mellifluous musings, I kept getting so startled by what I heard I kept having to put on my glasses to see if I could see just who the hell this person was that was saying all these moderate things.  There was only one thing I was sure of , and that was it sure as hell wasn't the Willard Romney who I watched in all those Republican Primary debates.  Whatever happened to that Macho Mormon Man who use to openly boast at debates that he was  "severely conservative" and that the undocumented should "self-deport"?  Did he ditch the Tea Party, Birthers, Birchers, Koch Brothers and Neo-Cons somewhere on the way to the debate like they were a bad date?

Wait a second...his real name is Willard, he was all of a sudden pleasant and agreeable?  "Fun to be around?"  You don't think, it couldn't be... A History Channel 2 episode of "Cowboys and Aliens"?  Nah.  "Invasion of the Body Snatchers?"  Perhaps.  Could it be that it was the real Willard, Willard Scott, our favorite DC weatherman, dressed up in the Mitt suit last night?  You just never know.

October 17, 2012

A message from Bruce

Dear Friends:

The election is coming up on all of us and we all have strong feelings about it. I’ve been getting asked a lot about where I stand, so for those who are interested, here goes.

This presidential election is different than the last one because President Obama has a four year record to run on. Last time around, he carried with him a tremendous amount of hope and expectations. Unfortunately, due to the economic chaos the previous administration left him with, and the extraordinary intensity of the opposition, it turned into a really rough ride. But through grit, determination, and focus, the President has been able to do a great many things that many of us deeply support.

Domestically, that record includes working to increase and expand employment for all, protecting our all important social safety net, passing guaranteed health care for most of our citizens, with important new protections for all of the insured, rescuing the auto industry and so many of the American jobs that go with it, protecting and enhancing the rights of women, and bringing us closer to full acceptance of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

In foreign affairs, that record includes following through on the removal of troops from the misguided and deceptive war in Iraq, and vigorously pursuing our real foreign enemies, especially the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

Right now the opposition’s resort to voter suppression in so many states is not receiving as much attention as it deserves. I believe that all of us, of whatever views, should be opposing these anti-voter, anti-citizen efforts.

Right now, for the President to be effective in his next term he needs our increased support and he needs support in the Congress, where some sterling candidates, such as current Senator Sherrod Brown of Ohio, challenger Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts, and so many others, are fighting to make their constructive voices heard.

Right now, there is an ever increasing division of wealth in this country, with the benefits going more and more to the 1 percent. For me, President Obama is our best choice to begin to reverse this harmful development.

Right now, there is a fight going on to help make this a fairer and more equitable nation. For me, President Obama is our best choice to get us and keep us moving in the right direction.

Right now, we need a President who has a vision that includes all of our citizens, not just some, whether they are our devastated poor, our pressured middle class, and yes, the wealthy too; whether they are male or female, black, white, brown, or yellow, straight or gay, civilian or military.

Right now, there is a choice going on in America, and I’m happy that we live in a country where we all participate in that process. For me, President Obama is our best choice because he has a vision of the United States as a place where we are all in this together. We’re still living through very hard times but justice, equality and real freedom are not always a tide rushing in. They are more often a slow march, inch by inch, day after long day. I believe President Obama feels these days in his bones and has the strength to live them with us and to lead us to a country “…where no one crowds you and no one goes it alone.”

That’s why I plan to be in Ohio and Iowa supporting the re-election of President Obama to lead our country for the next four years.

Bruce Springsteen

President Wins Split Decision in WrestleMania II

You knew that the second of three Presidential Debates between the incumbent, President Barak Obama and his challenger Willard "Mitt" Romney would be unlike any other Presidential Debate in history when former Clinton Administration Labor Secretary Robert Reich entered the ring in a sequined tuxedo, a microphone was lowered  from the lighting scaffold and and the pint sized leftist announced in his high pitched squeal:  "Are you Ready to R-U-M-B-L-E?" 

Reich, looking alot like Tattoo, the former Fantasy Island star, Herve Villechaize in his pint sized tuxedo, was greeted by the crowd with a hail storm of empty beer cans and bottles, a mixture of green Genesee Cream Ale cans and brown Genesse Fyfe & Drum and 12 Horse Ale bottles which quickly buried the runt.

After an undercard that featured a battle royale of Congressional leaders that came down to"chinless" Mitch McConnel succumbing to a submission hold by the surprisingly scrappy and Nappy Nancy "La la Palooza" Pelosi, the level of anticipation and excitement rose to a near frenzy as the main event's combatant's entered the ring.  A pre-debate coin toss determined that the President would go "skins" allowing Willard the Contender to wear his customary sacred undergarments aka oversized grey woolen longjohns.

After a heartfelt sermon punctuated by an expletive filled Homily delivered by a near comatose Pastor to the Presidents, Billy Graham, the combatants met at center ring where the evening's pugnacious referee, the troll like "Candy Corn" Crowley checked each wrestler for foreign objects.  Finding an empty wine bottle hidden in Willard's sacred undergarments, a souvenir, no doubt, leftover from Mitt's missionary work in France while dodging the Viet Nam war draft, the ogre-like Crowley chastised the pride of the tabernacle to fight fair...(to be continued)