Viscous Pre-Caucus Fluid* Seen Leaking From Luverne

On the eve of the biggest prize yet in the Republican presidential sweepstakes, the candidate that a drunken imbecile fool of a media personality, Glen Beck, once dubbed "a Churchill for our times", was seen emanating from a seedy movie theater in the Southwestern Minnesota town of Luverne yesterday.

Made famous by newspaper columnist Dan Savage in his column Savage Love, this obscure but frothy mixture of an ultra conservative, homophobic excuse for a former Senator from the Keystone State* was selling his body to the highest bidders in a cheap celluloid palace.

The evenings festivities got under way precisely at 7:00 PM proving that fascists were always capable of making the trains run on time. After a heart felt reading of their international anthem Deutschland über alles, the Neo-Nazis that make up the Minnesota Republican Party quickly got down to business passing on unanimous voice votes their plans to turn FEMA Camps into Serb style homosexual rape camps so their repressed members will finally be free to quit living the lie that they are Christians.

The evenings entertainment was a live sex act performed onstage between what looked like one of Katherine the Great's horses but was actually a soon to be former Minnesota State Senator and her bitch, former MN Republican Party Chair Boss Hog Sutton's little buddy, all set to the tune of "Brown Eyed Girl".

Following a very productive evening of debauchery, former MN gubernatorial candidate Allen Quist invited everyone over to the town's funeral parlour to engage in the Quist family version of scrap booking, i.e. carving fetuses out of corpses.**


*Definition: Santorum
Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Function: noun
Etymology:
Savage Love - 05/29/03

1. The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.
2. Former Senator Rick Santorum


**Years ago, when Quist's first wife died while nearly seven months pregnant, Quist had the fetus removed from her body and displayed in an open casket so his family could properly grieve for an unborn child. It was one of a series of revelations from the '94 campaign--another was Quist's assertion that men had a "genetic predisposition" to rule the household--that torpedoed his primary bid after he'd been endorsed at the last GOP convention. It also fueled the notion that he is unelectable in Minnesota.
http://www.citypages.com/1998-06-24/books/the-brilliant-demise-of-allen-quist/

MN GOP Playing Politics With Appointments: the Two Parties Are Not "Just the Same"

We hear it all the time. I even hear it from my closest friends, people who I genuinely like and respect constantly say: "Oh they all do it" or "There is no difference between the two" or "They're just alike". Sometimes I think my friends say it just to get a rise out of me because they know nothing exasperates me more than this misinformed cop out.

No matter how many times I point out powerful, irrefutable examples of instances where Republicans have put personal, party, class and or special interests ahead of the country's interest, their response is always the same. Like the mindless drones from a B grade horror flick they continue to chant the mantra: "They all do it" as if a variation of the aspirational Nike commercial "Just do it".

No, actually Virgina , they are not just alike. Like a family court judge once told me the world is not black and white but a series of shades of grey. Well if this is true (which in the case of that family law matter was not, I was right and she was wrong) then the Republican Party is a very very very dark shade of grey and the Democrats are are very very very light shade of grey.

Case in point, this week the Minnesota Senate is going to refuse to approve Governor Dayton's choice to head the Public Utilities Commission, former State Senator Ellen Anderson. The capitol gossip is that the Republicans are in essence "firing" a highly qualified, intelligent and quintessential good person as "payback" for the DFL refusing to reappoint Governor Pawlenty's Lt. Governor, Carol Molnau to a second term as head of the Minnesota Department of Transportation. Now the uninformed would ignorantly throw up their hands and say: "You see, they all do it!"

There are just two small differences between the two actions: it was a huge and unprecedented conflict of interest for a Lieutenant Governor to also serve as commissioner of one of the state's largest and most critical departments, one in which she was wholly unqualified to run and which was done merely as a cost savings matter and number two, and this is a big one:

THE F#@KING BRIDGE COLLAPSED ON HER WATCH KILLING 13 PEOPLE!!!

It would have been professional malfeasance and dereliction of duty to reappoint such a buffoon and shame on Governor Good N Plenty for even nominating her for a second term.

So Virgina, if you cannot see nuances in this world, if both of the above actions seem equal to you, then Virgina my dear there is a Santa Claus.

Austerity Reshaping U.S. Political Landscape: Republicans More Than Willing to Throw America Under the Bus

Long time Washington Post political reporter Thomas Edsall's new book "The Age of Austerity: How Scarcity Will Remake American Politics" beautifully summarizes my observations of the body politic in this formerly great country of ours.

Wait a second, did you say formerly great? Yes I did. Well then, you admit that President Obama has been the direct cause of the decline of American civilization?

Hardly. Quite to the contrary. Rather it has been the forces of conservatism, largely Republicans, Tea Baggers if you will, and their push for all things Austerity at the very time when every past Congress and administration, Democrat and Republican alike, have increased spending on public works projects to spur the economy, to get it over the hump, until consumer spending kicks back in and prosperity returns for all.

Like the engineers at Three Mile Island, the know nothing Republicans, Tea Baggers and fiscal conservatives are operating under misinformation and doing the exact opposite of what is needed to pull us out of a dire situation. The false notion that severely curtailing budgets and balancing the budget at the federal level is the panacea to all our problems is in fact a recipe for disaster.

Unfortunately like Ronald Reagan adroitly and cynically proved, if you repeat a lie long enough to the ignorant and lazy American public, they will not only begin to believe it, they will embrace it. That is why all the stupid ignoramuses in this country think Reagan was some kind of great hero when in fact he was a brain addled idiot controlled by a martinet of a wife who screwed Frank Sinatra in the White House when he was out of town.

What does any of this have to do with Tom Edsall's new book? Not much. But it sure felt good getting it off my chest.

To see what Tom Edsall's new book is really like go to the PBS NewsHour site and watch or read the transcript of his excellent interview with Judy Woodruff.

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/politics/jan-june12/ageofausterity_01-26.html

All the Best Canadian Oilmen Have Chinese Eyes

I am taking a peremptory strike here and admitting I took a little journalistic license in my last post. My dear sister who I dismissively labeled as "red state" is actually a bastion of beauty and intelligence in what at times can seem like an ugly and ignorant setting.

I mean their legislature did not have the smallest amount of constitutional knowledge that it would pass the most ridiculous knee jerk, xenophobic, hate-filled legislation calling for a ban on adopting Sharia law which was of course struck down by the appellate court.

What my sister actually asked me was why the President would kill the pipeline project when the Canadians were now going to sell all their oil to the Chinese. Like most Republican talking points, there is a kernel of truth to this story, a kernel in a silo of falsehood. What I believe the mass emailers are talking about is the first reaction to the denial of the Keystone permit by a Canadian proponent of the pipeline and government official.

Although the initial unthoughtful reaction was something to the effect that the Canadians would just now have to sell the oil to the Chinese, the official Canadian government reaction was much more realistic and measured and stated something to the effect that the Keystone project was not over, that there are plenty of other pipelines and methods of getting the oil to U.S. markets and in a global economy the Chinese are free to buy oil on the international market.

Besides, in my discussions with a geologist and head of an energy think tank, the beef against the Canadian oil sands is that while it is currently economically viable to extract the oil at $100 a barrel and up, like ethanol from corn, you expend almost as much energy and leave such a large carbon footprint in the process. Furthermore, they have not reached a compromise on bypassing the Sandhill region of Nebraska.

So there you have it. Pete Townsend eat your heart out.

Coat Hangers, Pipeline Jobs and No Taxes: Let's Be Serious, the Adult in the Room is Not Going to be a Repubulican

Let's get serious for a minute. I know, I know, it's not easy when a national humor magazine ran a faux headline last week: "Minnesota Braces for Bachmann 's Full Attention". As if on cue, Bachmann, not exactly Minnesota's shrinking violet, made her first public appearance in Minnesota in over a year at the annual Roe vs. Wade protest at the State Capitol proclaiming that at this time next year we will be well on the way to overturning Roe.

If past performance is in any way a good predictor of the future, we can expect that Bachmann will unveil her new legislative agenda, adding to that torrent of legislation that has flowed from Bachmann in her three terms as Congresswoman, she will soon introduce a bill protecting coat hangers, just like the incandescent light bulb. Why coat hangers? They will be in short supply if Bachmann and her Republican colleagues get their way in overturning Roe. I still have not heard one of these geniuses idea as to how we are going to avoid going right back to back alley and Mexican abortions for our mothers, sisters and daughters.

Item number two, why does Obama hate jobs? That must have been one of the Republican talking points last week. How do I know this? Because my red state sister asked me that in all seriousness yesterday, apparently in reference to the President refusing to short cut the permitting process for the Keystone oil pipeline, which would run near one of this country's most important bird sanctuaries in Nebraska. With the oil industry past performance in the gulf firmly in mind, one thing we do not need now is relaxing regulations on these bozos.

The question I have for Republican politicians, both state and national, is why are the only jobs you are willing to promote in the entire country are pipeline jobs? Historically speaking, ahem, Mr. Gingrich, bipartisan elected officials, both state and national, have helped to create public works jobs during times of economic slowdowns as a means of jump starting the economy, driven largely by consumer spending.

Unfortunately, the Republicans are playing politics with working class and middle income people's lives and would have the less informed believe that the only jobs in the whole country are the 2,000 to 6,000 jobs anticipated by the Keystone project. Don't believe me? Just read the paper, oh no wait, that is too much work when I can just turn on Fox news, be it radio or television and hear the Fox news readers mouth the latest Republican talking points.

Speaking of history, the good economic times that were the Clinton years were in part due to his Republican predecessor having the guts to do what was good for the country at the time and raising taxes. The fiscal problems facing the country is not due to a lack of taxes paid by the working and middle classes, but rather the huge tax cuts that went to the investment class during Bush II. That is why millionaire and billionaires like Buffet and Romney pay only 15% in federal taxes while you and I pay closer to 30%. If the electorate really wants to send Washington the message"It's the economy, stupid" not only must we re-elect the president, we must send him back with Democratic majorities in both houses.

Neut's Latest Lie: Obama Food Stamp President? Nice Try Neut, But the Truth is That Bush is The Food Stamp President

"Neut", short for neutered Gingrich, is up to his old tricks. Tonight America will learn more about this paragon of conservative and Republican virtues. We'll hear all about his two divorces, womanizing and request for an open marriage with wife number 2. While this should render his campaign dead, since he is relying on the Evangelical Christian vote to win. However, I noticed a clever ploy used by the "rules don't apply to me gang" and "I'm a hypocrite and I don't care crowd", that is they can commit whatever sin, crime, and or immoral conduct they want to and we are supposed to give him a free pass because his religion believes in forgiveness. Ahhh BULLSHIT!!

If these finger pointers were true Christians they would not be judging everyone BUT THEMSELVES.

So judge for yourselves: Who is the Real Food Stamp President? Why of course, George W. Bush, a conservative Republican. But Republicans are great at repeating the big lie until they believe things like Iraq had something to do with 911, truth be damned.

Well Damn all of you hypocrite christians and Republicans, there is an especially warm corner of hell waiting for you.

To read the proof that Neut is lying : http://factcheck.org/2012/01/newts-faulty-food-stamp-claim/

The Future Is Now: Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce and Me.

No this is not a George Allen Sr. sequel. Well then, what does Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce and high colonics have in common? You obviously know nothing about prognosticators and their predilections.

I, for instance, know that the Edgar Cayce World Headquarters was located in Virgina Beach, Virgina in the late 1970'. I know this because I was on a road trip with my friends John and Lamont following our graduation from high school. Also on the trip was Lamont's very cool and pretty hippie girlfriend. Her only fault if you could call it one, was her hippie stoner belief in all things mystic and metaphysical and her topic du jour was this great psychic Edgar Cayce. According to the pulp paperback Miss Hippie had, Edgar was the second coming. According to her book, this Cayce character predicted everything from the Great Depression to World Wars I and II as well as the Kennedy Assassination.

The entire drive down to Virgina Beach it was "Edgar predicted this..." and "Edgar said that..." the whole f#@king way. As we hit the outskirts of Virgina Beach someone spotted the signs heralding "Edgar Cayce World Headquarters and Museum". "You have to stop! You Have to Stop!!" hippie chick squealed with glee. Lamont looked at me as we both rolled our eyes when Johnny , like the big softie he was, dutifully pulled over much to hippie chick's delite. I would have much preferred that we drive the extra three miles to the ocean and a motel room where we could start partying.

I was even more perturbed when the young Jane Fonda insisted that we all shell out the outrageous sum of $5 or $7 to gain entrance to this holiest of shrines. It was to hippie chick's complete devastation and to one of my life's more fondest memories when it turned out that the Edgar Cayce World Headquarters and Museum was nothing more than a shrine to high colonics.

As best as I could tell from the exhibits, which consisted of black and white photos of a series of brick and colonial style buildings set next to actual hoses and pans all connected to a story line contained on placards extolling the virtues of deep cleansing for even the most serious and fatal diseases, good old Edgar was cleaning out the terminally ill and desparate.

I ran giggling and gushing like a child from one exhibit to the next reading each placard much too loudly and hysterically laughing emphasizing the colonic aspect of each exhibit along with choice noises I made by blowing my lips into the palms of my hands. "Look everyone!" I screamed in delight, "Edgar shoved this hose up..."and "Edgar used that pan..." and on and on I went to the absolute horror of Lamont's girlfriend. It don't get any more delicious than that.

And with that incredibly banal digression I give you:

Plainsense's Proctological Political Prediction for 2012

Pretty but pooped Michele Bachmann packs it in following a crappy performance in Iowa.

And the Weiner Is..."That's Not Tea It's GOP"

That's right, we have a tie for the First Annual Poser of the Year Award. The "Mary Edgar" goes to the Republican Party and to all members of the so called Tea Party for letting themselves be co-opted and hijacked by the very people who put us all in the financial predicament we find ourselves in today, the Republican Party.

Whether it was crony capitalism, tax breaks for the uber wealthy during wartime, trading in bogus securitized mortgages or selling the same bogus investments short, all tracks lead back to the GOP. So the idea that the groundswell of public anger should be co-opted and hijacked by the likes of Michelle Bachmann and her ilk is laughable. The U.S. House Republicans were directly responsible for the lowering of the U.S. credit rating as a result of their game playing and brinkmanship over raising the debt limit, an issue no one ever played politics with in the past.

Locally, the Minnesota Republicans were directly responsible for shutting down state government to the detriment of the state's credit rating and bringing UNCERTAINTY, the new boogieman, to the mindless zombies who repeated the chant in unison all the while pointing their stupid , bony, mindless fingers at the Obama administration while taking absolutely no responsibility for the very problems they were themselves causing. Amazing. Exactly! (Nod out to Lake Superior State.)

Adding hypocrisy to injury was the Minnesota Republican Senate Caucus who punished and illegally retaliated against two of the ugliest, most loathsome human beings for having the audacity to hook up and share the love. Family values indeed. Amazing . Exactly!

Not to be outdone, the Republican majority leaders of both of the state's chambers played games with the Democratic Governor who was working earnestly and in good faith on the Vikings Stadium while at the same time stabbing him and the state in the back with secret emails to the rank and file vowing to sabotage any deal. Senate Majority leader Amy "Craig" Koch even gave an interview to Minnesota Public Radio extolling what the Vikings meant to her: "A great big bowl of chili on a Sunday afternoon". Sports and food. That's all the Sabbath means to Petunia. Amazing. Exactly!


So take a bow Tea Party and Republican Party members for you all are the 2011 Posers of the Year!!

The 2011 Poser Award Nominees.

2011 Poser of the Year Award

It's that time of year again. "What time would that be?" you ask. Well ye of little memory, it's time for the First Annual Poser of the year Award*.




*Poser of the Year Award Winners are selected by the Academy of Politician Watchers otherwise known simply as the Academy. Winners are not selected on the basis of race, gender, sexual orientation or deviation, including septums. Each winner receives an award from the academy. The award , also known as a "Mary Edgar", is a miniature statuette of J. Edgar Hoover, a real figure from American History not to be confused with that poser Leonardo Di Crappio.

It's Begining To Look Alot Like Christmas...

Here were go again. Another year and the barrage of television ads just keeps getting more and more prolific. It used to be, back in the day, or as my parents' generation would say: "When we were young you did not have all this commercialism, retailing was not on a mass market basis, but rather a face to face, personal interaction..." You know the rest, it was about the spirit of the time, not the amount of money involved. It was about who you could trust and do onto others as you would have done onto you.

It seems this Holiday season, at least if you live in the Twin Cities area, you cannot turn on the television, literally no matter what time of the day or night, without being bombarded with their obnoxious ads, of varying lengths and quality of production, listening to them extol the value of their services, their wisdom, their integrity and their earnestness. It is almost as if the Three Wise Men had been given millions of dollars by God Almighty and been told to go forward and proselytize.

You of course know the names of the Three Wise Men by now: Scwebel, Goetz and Seiben. To hear these paragons of self-conceit tell it, they are the smartest, wisest, most brilliant human beings alive. You have doubts this Christmas season? Your faith has been challenged to the point you no longer have all the answers to life's most pressing problems yourself? No problem. Just Ask Gary. You have just been injured in a car accident? You have already called 911. Now call 411 and ask for one of their phone numbers. Worried that no one will be there to answer your call. No worry. This is all they do and they do it well.

So if you are like me and you have gotten fed up to the point that you just can't take it any more. I have got some advice for you. Just like that Republican candidate for Governor of Texas said when he ran against the late Governor Ann Richards, "It's alot like rape, if it's inevitable, if it is going to happen anyway, you might as well just lay back and enjoy it." I mean, after all it's just the time of season: it is TSR time.

Ruminations On the "War" On Drugs and Those Who Purportedly Protect and Serve

News out of Colorado has a National Sheriff of the Year sullying the name of honest peace officers everywhere with his arrest for allegedly offering meth in exchange for sex with a young male. http://mycenturylink.com/news/read.php?rip_id=%3CD9RB5VRO1%40news.ap.org%3E&ps=931

Back in Minnesota the out of control drug and gang strike and task forces are huddling with their paid snitches and conspiring to raid individuals, not who are major drug dealers, but rather, individuals with substance abuse problems who happen to have valuable assets that these corrupt law enforcement agencies can seize hoping the victim will then be out of resources to fight the seizures so they can augment their budgets in times of fiscal austerity. http://thegreatrollcall.blogspot.com/2011/06/corruption-coverup-completed-fbi-closes.html

In New York City there have been numerous press conferences in the last month announcing the indictment of police officers for crimes ranging from fixing traffic tickets to gun running. http://www.npr.org/2011/12/01/142909989/is-nypd-commissioner-raymond-kelly-bulletproof

What is the common thread with all this stories? The more power we invest in law enforcement, especially in the post-911 world, the more , not less, safeguards and checks must be placed on those who purportedly "Protect and Serve". Absolute or unbridled power corrupts absolutely.

Meanwhile the citizenry sits on the sidelines thinking "serves 'em right" or "this can't happen to me". Just wait...

The Night They Drove Old Herman Down

Herman Cain is the name and I served on the Uncle Tom train
'Til lyin' white bitches came and tore up my good name
In the spring of '11, we were hungry, just barely leadin'
By November the tenth, my poll numbers had fell
It's a time I remember, oh so well

The night they drove old Herman down
And the bells were ringing
The night they drove old Herman down
And the women were singing
They went, "La, la, la"

Back with my wife in old Atlanta , when one day she called to me
"Herman, quick, come see, there go another of your affairees"
Now I don't mind sproutin' wood, and I don't care if the bitch's no good
Ya take what ya need and ya leave the rest
But they should never have taken the very best

The night they drove old Hermie down

And the bells were ringing
The night they drove spermin' Herman down
And all the women were singing
They went, "La, la, la"

Like my father before me, I will work the Man
And like a brother with no self-respect before me, I took a subservient stand
turned my back on my brothers and this great land
I swear by the lies that I continue to speak
You can't raise a Cain back up when he's in defeat

The night they drove old Herman down
And the bells were ringing
The night they drove old Herman down
And all the women were singing
They went, "Na, na, na"

The night they drove old Hermie down
And all the bells were ringing
The night they drove spermin' Herman down
And the women were singing
They went, "Na, na, na"

"Na, na, na"
"Na, na, na"
Hey hey Goodbye!

Ret. Sen Alan Simpson, Republican: Grover Norquist and His Extortionate No New Taxes Pledge the Root Cause of Country's Financial Crisis Impasse

Speaking to Ret. Sen Alan Simpson, Republican, Wyoming and co-chair of the Deficit Reduction Committee, Scott Simon host of NPR's Weekend Edition got a Republican to admit the obvious:

His own party, The Republicans, and their commitment to Grover Norquist's No New Taxes Pledge have placed party over Country and do not even deserve to be in Congress.


To read the transcript: http://www.npr.org/2011/11/26/142795941/after-supercommittee-fails-last-years-plan-gets-new-look


To listen to the interview: http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=142795941&m=142795914

Thoughts of Thanks

Having just hit one of life's major milestones, the big Five O, it causes one to seriously consider what he is thankful for. With very little thought going in, I am just going to wing it:

I am first and foremost thankful for my children, while not perfect, they put up with a very strange and peculiar father. Special thanks go out to my daughter for watching my "nasty little dog" who bit her, while I make my biannual pilgrimages to New Orleans and to my son for being the best hunting partner a guy could ask for, who never complains and gets along with his Dad's hunting companions who are just as strange and peculiar as his dear old Dad.

Speaking of which, I am thankful for my hunting companions, from Mick and his boys and Jay to Charlie, Jason, Cal and the boys at the farm, they make a difficult time of year fun to look forward to. I can never pay these friends back for the acceptance of my son and I to their group and for being such good role models to my son.

Although this may sound strange to some, I am so very thankful for work. Being a professional, ones work become their life, their alter ego, their self-esteem and their reason to exist. Having changed positions a few years back, I am so very grateful, not only just to have a job in this economy, but to have a job which is fun, challenging and filled with so many friends and good people as colleagues. For this I am truly blessed.

Lastly, to my friends away from work and family, I am so thankful you put up with such a difficult person like me and I apologize for being so hard on you all at times. I hope you know that although I may not show it, I cherish your friendship and love each and every one of you.

Occupy TCF Bank Stadium: "This Is Not What A Football Team Looks Like"

My patience has run out. It's time to Kill the messenger. The Joe Maturi experiment is over, the jury is in and Maturi is out. From the firing of Glen Mason to the hiring of Tim Brewster to the shores of Tripoli, Maturi has fought the Gopher Nation's battles like a gimp with cerebal palsey.

Deer Be Damned: Roomful of Blues Are Still the Kings of Swing

One of my favorite quotes in all the history of music reviews was a line in the Boston Globe many years ago which described my friend and guitar legend Jimmy Thackery as "... a four-hour performer. That's not how long he plays, but how long one should travel to see him." Well you can add another legendary band to the list of "four hour performers": the incomparable Roomful of Blues who were in town last night at Famous Dave's Blues Club in Uptown.

So what would make a die hard deer hunter pull up stakes on one of the most productive, (two eight points and a ten point buck), deer openers in recent memories and drive back to Minneapolis for an extended set of live music? Why that would be to see the best purveyors of traditional American Music, Providence, R.I.'s gift to the world, Roomful of Blues.

From T-Bone-esqe jump blues to New Orleans swing with a heavy dose of Earl King,to originals with the feel and authenticity of the great standards, Roomful of Blues are simply tops in their craft. Having just returned from the capitol of American music, New Orleans, a little more than a month ago where I witnessed some of the greatest music and musicians of all time, it is clear that Roomful of Blues are not only in the same league, hell that make the playoffs every year.

Like any organization that has spanned nearly four decades, occasionally one goes through the process of rebuilding. I am glad to say that the rebuilding process has been over for the current version of Roomful for a couple of years now and the band has profited from the new found stability in its line-up. Lead singer Phil Pemberton was such a great find and the perfect fit for this band. I just love listening to this guy sing. Not only does Mr. Pemberton have the right voice for this style of music, his phrasing, the subtleties he coaxes out of a song makes him fun and interesting to listen to all night long.

Just like you can't think of Herman Cain without thinking of harassment, one cannot think of Roomful of Blues without thinking horns and believe you me this band is as horny as Herman. Led by the legendary tenor player Ritch Lataille, the Roomful horns are back on top of the business but with a more laid back and more nuanced feel due in large part to its newest member Doug Woolverton who I gushed about the last time these guys were in town. My only comment this time is that at one point in the evening, I leaned over to my good friend Mike LeBeau, Roomful's longtime soundman and one of the best in the business and said flat out, "Am I being disloyal to Bubba when I say how much I love this guy's playing?" To which Mike responded: "Heck no, Bubba would be proud."

My highlights this time around were the numbers Roomful did with New Orleans icon Earl King on the great album "Glazed" and its progeny. Band co-leader Chris Vachon gets the greatest gut bucket excello records sound out of his guitar on these numbers and when mixed with the cool baritone horn honkings of the great "Top of the"Mark Early it produces a rich dark roux that makes the gumbo bubble up, jump and boil. Always a high note is that Monster from Austin, Travis (not Tritt) Colby (not Dolby) on keys and the classiest rhytym section in the business, gentleman John Turner and ever subtle and nuanced drumming of Ephraim Lowell.

All in all it was a highly enjoyable night of music by a group of "four hour performers".

Deer Opener 2011

Floyd Stays Home to Boast

Who would of thunk it? Floyd of Rosedale, the porky prodigal son of the Minnesota Golden Gophers Football Program has become something of a stay at home, a veritable shut in.

Try as they might to take our beloved Floyd away, the Iowa Hawkettes powder puff team was incapable of a masculine act to save their black and gold dream of returning Floyd to his former life of drudgery to the state which is also the home of the Pork Institute of America.

I was and still am, highly critical of Joe Maturi's recent move to give the 1-6 Coach Kill an extension. Although the 2-6 Kill era is not much of an improvement, it did seem to have at least the short term effect of squeezing another victory out of Minnesota's answer to Magic Fingers (i.e. put Jerry Kill on your bed and a quarter in him and vibrate your way to relaxation).

To Joe Maturi, the days of 2-10 Gopher seasons are over, even if one of the two victories are against an Iowa or say, a Wisconsin. You never should have fired Mason and two victories over mediocre teams do not make you a Sid Hartman Genius.

To my colleague at work Jeremy and my friend Steve, all we are saying is Give Floyd A Chance! Gophs crush Hawks, Minnesota Rules and Iowa drools!!

Robbery Suspect Thwarted By Bigger Man: Hero of Mendota Liquor Retires

Friday was payday so I took a diversion from my usual route home on my motorcycle to stop off at my favorite liquor store, Mendota Liquor in Mendota Heights. The store is owned and operated by my friend Patrick, a generous, friendly, but no nonsense man of Cambodian descent. As I have been flat broke as of late due to my trip to the Ponderosa Stomp in N'awlins, I have not been in to see Patrick for about three weeks.

As I approached the counter with my usual brand of beer, which Patrick gladly orders for me and another customer (even though it does not have as high a profit margin as other brands which is why I suspect my neighborhood liquor store won't stock it despite my repeated requests), Patrick greets me with his customary, cheery "Hello Sir!".

As he rings me up , Patrick looks up and deadpans: "I suppose you are going to represent him?" "Oh, who's that Patrick?" "The guy who robbed me." "You were robbed?" I fired back peppering Patrick with two of the the four w's (i.e. who and when).

Patrick gets a wry, incredulous smile on his face and says: "You didn't hear about it? It was all over the news." Patrick proceeds to explain that back on September 26, 2011, a lone white male came into his store and immediately walked to the back of the store before coming to the counter. Hoping to lure Patrick out from behind the counter and distract him, the soon to be robber asked Patrick for a bottle of brandy. By sheer serendipity Patrick happened to have one of the large bottles the robber had asked for right behind him ready to be shelved.

Startled and confused, the robber thrust his hand in his pocket and ordered Patrick to "Hand over the f#@&ing money!" to which Patrick responds with a big grin: "You for real?" "Look motherf#@&er, hand over the f#@&ing money or I will blow your f#@&ing head off!". Totally unphased, Patrick, realizing it would be good to get the robbers fingerprints on the till, says "Okay" and proceeds to punch in no sale so the register drawer opens and steps back forcing the robber to reach over with his other hand to grab the cash all the time keeping his other hand thrust in his pocket.

Patrick, I scream at him, "Are you f#@&ing crazy, just give the guy the money, nothing is worth your life!" "Hell" says Patrick, I survived the Killing Fields in my country, this punk didn't scare me". Patrick continues with his story, including that he followed right on the heels of the robber who was startled to see Patrick standing next to him when he opened the driver's door to the getaway car before jumping in and peeling off. Ever the cool one, Patrick jotted down the license plate, make model and color of the getaway car and promptly called it in to the police who were soon giving chase. Eventually the robber bailed out of his vehicle near Lillydale and made it to the banks of the Mississippi River where he managed to elude a dragnet of over fifty law enforcement personnel, tracker dogs and a helicopter before being arrested the following day hiding in the basement of a friend's house.

Fast forward a couple more weeks and now I am back at Patrick's store the Thursday before the deer opener to stock up on my favorite beer for the opener and Patrick is uncharacteristically unshaved. Noting another person in the store shelving inventory and sensing something out of the usual, I instinctively spout off, "What's up Patrick? You sell the joint or something?"

"As a matter of fact I did. Let me introduce you to the new owner..." Whereupon Patrick introduced me to the new proprietor, a very nice man by the name of "G" as the guy who rides his motorcycle all the way from Minneapolis just to buy his beer from them so be sure to take care of him and order his brand of beer when the distributor starts stocking it again in Spring.

"Patrick", I exclaim, "I hope it did not have anything to do with that robbery?" "Aw, no way" laughs Patrick, "I just want to go back to Cambodia to help out with part of my time". Cambodia has been hit by heavy flooding this year, like many countries in Southeast Asia, and Patrick, ever the hero, is going back to his native land to lend a hand.

Seeing the sad look on my face as I tell him what a great thing he is doing, Patrick adds: "But I will still be coming back from time to time, especially around the holidays, so if you stop in, you may see me again." So to all my colleagues in Eagan and the good people of Mendota Heights, please patronize the best liquor store in the Twin Cities, Mendota Liquor, especially for all your holiday shopping needs and who knows, maybe you will be lucky enough to run into Patrick , a true hero!

American Politics Needs a Wangari Maathai

Abraham Lincoln famously wrote in his concluding remarks to his Annual Message to Congress in December of 1862:

"We shall nobly save, or meanly lose, the last best hope of earth. Other means may succeed; this could not fail. The way is plain, peaceful, generous, just -- a way which, if followed, the world will forever applaud, and God must forever bless."

This week the world lost one of its "...last best hopes..." with the passing of Kenyan Nobel Laureate Wangari Maathai.

Who was Wangari Maathi? Like many Americans, until just recently I had never heard her name. But after watching the excellent PBS Independent Lens documentary TAKING ROOT: The Vision of Wangari Maathai, I am convinced that Lincoln’s prophetic remarks on freedom nearly 150 years ago are equally prophetic and applicable to the state of political affairs today in America.

When the state of political affairs in her native Kenya devolved into partisan tribal cronyism, homicidal violence and brutal political suppression, Wangari Maathi, a divorced mother of two, in a society which devalued women, stepped forward and led with peaceful nonviolent movements like the Freedom Corner and Greenbelt Movements to change the corrupt, male-dominated political system in her country. In perhaps the documentary’s most desperate and poignant moments, when Wangari and her fellow mothers were descended upon by Kenyan security forces with clubs and batons to disrupt a nonviolent protest seeking the release from jail of their sons and other political prisoners, the women stripped naked and shook their breasts at their attackers who nevertheless beat them unmercifully, leaving Maathi in a coma. Thankfully she recovered and this act of incredible courage and moral force in the face of violent wickedness eventually led to a new consciousness among the general public in Kenya and important reforms.

With the political parties in America behaving like tribes in Kenya, engaging in an endless cycle of payback, revenge and cronyism we could use the likes of a Wingari Maathi and the courageous mothers of Kenya. Perhaps their American counterparts could even strip naked in front of a joint session of Congress and shake their collective breasts to shame Congress into abandoning their childish and destructive partisan ways and act like grown-ups and start doing the people’s business.

Lincoln, Ghandi, King and Mandela will have to move over and share their space in the hall of human greatness because sister Wangari is moving in.

Fourth Annual Ponderosa Stomp Music Conference Day One

"I liked you better when you didn't know who you were", Bobby Rush quoting someone commenting on him.

If you are ever fortunate to attend the Ponderosa Stomp, make sure you plan ahead, come early and take in the annual Music Conference sponsored by the event. Better yet, book the VIP Package from my friend Angelo, President and owner of Louisiana Travel. One of the better unintended consequences to come out of Hurricane Katrina, Louisiana Travel is one of the best travel services I have ever worked with and can handle all of your Louisiana business conference and recreational travel needs. I have booked two packages thru Angelo, Melanie and the good folks at Louisiana Travel and recommend them very highly.

Now going on its fourth year, the Ponderosa Stomp Music Conference consists of three days of film, panel discussions and networking for the music industry, press, record collectors, dee jays and just plain old music heads. When you attend the music conference you are treated each day to an exquisite buffet luncheon put out by some of the finer New Orleans restaurants and caterers. My favorites were the Cuban artichoke and spinach sandwiches, and the BBQ pulled pork sandwiches "Memphis" or "Tennessee" style as we say up North at Caps Grille in Minneapolis. (Just don't stick you foot in your mouth like I did and recommend the pulled pork to your new friend Mark from England or he may wryly tell you "... thanks, but I don't think its Kosher".) to be continued...

Dinner at K Paul's Louisiana Kitchen and a Cigar Factory Maduro: A Perfect Ending to a Beautiful Day

The last two times I have been in New Orleans I have meant to have a meal at perhaps the greatest, if not most iconic Cajun restaurants, K Paul's Louisiana Kitchen. Well after a wonderful day made all the more special by almost missing my plane, escaping the 29 degree weather back in Minneapolis and basking in the sunshine and 86 degrees of New Orleans, I decided to treat myself to a great meal. Although I was dining alone, the staff made me feel right at home, allowing me to sit at the bar so I would not feel uncomfortable and even taking my picture with the bust of the naked Nubian Queen which was right next to me on the bar and became my "date".

As I told the bartender, my friend Don O'Dell's father, Dave had the first authentic Cajun restaurant in the Twin Cities, the Mariner and Emporium of Jazz in Mendota and had sent his chefs to K Paul's for training. Dave was also the sole distributor for K Paul's spices for many years in the upper Midwest. Although sadly the Mariner and Emporium of Jazz is no more, eating K Paul's gumbo tonite with the black roux was like hooking up with an old lover, but better. Following the Chicken and Andeuille sausage gumbo, I had the crab fingers in a popcorn batter with the greatest sauce known to man. Top it all off with the phenomenally simple but exquisite bread and sweet breads and it was a meal that brought tears to my eyes and for under $20!!

If you ever go to K Paul's you must go one block toward's the Warehouse District and stop at Laura's for her incredible Rum Prailine Brittle, Coon Ass Bark(white chocolate, macadamian nuts and chili pepper) or my favorite, the dark chocolate Mississippi Mud with caramel and prailines (candied pecans).

For my walk back to my hotel in the Warehouse District I smoked a wonderful full bodied Maduro cigar, fresh from the Cigar Factory and you had the perfect ending to a beautiful day. Eat your hearts out Minnesota! Living large in the Big Easy! Who Better?

Ponderosa Stomp Music Conference Day One Wrap: It's All About Love and Respect

Until one attends a Ponderosa Stomp event it impossible to explain to the uninitiated what the big deal is. So I apologize to my friend and colleague Jody for being a little sarcastic and snippy in my opening article today but he had spent the week needling me about something that is truly dear to my heart.

You see, what makes the Ponderosa Stomp such a great event isn't just the great music, it is certainly all of that. It isn't just being able to see some of the greatest, legendary musicians and songwriters who have ever lived, but there is that. It isn't just that it is one of the greatest party's you will ever attend. What makes the Ponderosa Stomp so special is love and respect.

First of all it is the love and care and attention to detail with which Ira and the Mystic Knights of the Mau Mau put together each years line-up. Although it is always an eclectic mix of the greatest music on earth, American Music: blues, jazz, rhythm and blues, rock and rockabilly, there is always an emphasis on New Orleans music. While Austin may have overshadowed New Orleans as of late as the epicenter, or at least the home of perhaps the greatest number of great musicians in recent years, New Orleans is still the Jerusalem or Mecca of American Music. So it is only fitting that this event takes place in the Crescent City.

Second, it is the love and respect that the musicians, songwriters, producers and industry people have for one another, which, in a cut throat business like the music industry can seem like an almost impossible task. Perhaps that is one of the reasons Ira started the Music Conference segment of the Stomp four years ago. Not only does it give hardcore music heads a chance to live vicariously through, and get a glimpse into the lives of their heroes and heroines, more importantly it gives the musicians a chance to catch up, reminise, let bygones be just that and appreciate each other for the gifts they gave one another years ago and express their gratitude and love for each other. Perhaps the saddest thing about the Stomp is the reoccurring expression of remorse by the musicians that they did not get a chance to express their gratitude, love and respect to one of their fellow musicians and mentors before they passed on. We heard alot of that today.

Lastly, unlike the commercialized, money oriented fan fests of country music or even say NASCAR, at the Ponderosa Stomp there is truly a genuine love, respect and appreciation by the musicians for the fans that goes well beyond money. This may sound corny and trite, but anyone in attendance at today's music conference knows what I am talking about. I challenge anyone in attendance today to say that Bobby Rush, Carol Fran or Lavalle White's emotional thank yous and displays of love and affection for the fans, music press and other musicians in attendance was not 100% real. Perhaps that's the biggest point I am not so eloquently trying to make: The Ponderosa Stomp is real. Real music by real musicians for real music lovers. And it don't get any sweeter than that.

Ponderosa Stomp Fourth Annual Music Conference

New Orleans, LA

It should be to no ones surprise that I barely made my plane this morning. As usual for me before any trip, I waited til the last minute to do all the things necessary to get ready only to forget my cell phone. I had to run back to my house, missed my train to the airport, had to run like O.J. from a crime scene through Terminal 2 at MSP only to go in the wrong direction. By the time I got near my gate they were beginning to close it when they spotted me, yelled out my first name and held the plane until I boarded. As almost every seat on the plane was taken, I picked one of the remaining open middle seats, between two twenty somethings, who did not appreciate the schweatty old guy dripping and weazin' on them all the way to our first stop, St. Louis.

After all those going to Misery deplaned I moved up to one of the front rows which I shared with a very nice woman whose Hennepin County Library book that she left on her seat while using the lavatory, was stolen. We had a nice conversation and she was on her way to Birmingham, our second stop, to attend her childhood Southern Baptist Church's 100th Anniversary. Despite what you are thinking, we had alot in common, e.g. college student children, and her company made the flight go fast.

I just finished attending the conference's first speaker's discussion "Chicken Heads and Bow Legged Women: A discussion with Bobby Rush, which was of course riveting and hysterical. Gotta fly to catch the symposium on one of my heroes, Guitar Slim and later my favorite diva, Lavelle White. Ciao for Now!

We Will Stomp You: Trail To the Tenth Anniversary Ponderosa Stomp Begins Now!

All my bags are'nt packed, I'm not ready to go,
Jody can blow it out his nose,
I love to waive the one finger salute
to say goodbye, ttttbbllt,
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The light rail is waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die, NOT!

So blow me and smile for me
Tell me that you won't hate me
Remember this image and never let it go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I'll be really hungover when I come back
Oh yeah, I really don't hate to go

There's so many times you've let me down
telecommuting like a chubby clown
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think and laugh at you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll be minus my wedding ring

So blow me and smile for me
Tell me that you're envious of me
Remember this image and never let it go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
I'll be really hungover when I come back
Oh yeah, I really don't hate to go

Six Degrees of 911: “It’s A Small World After All”

Like most Americans over the age of 15, I can remember September 11, 2001 as if it were yesterday. Who could forget that incredibly blue, cloudless sky and the fresh, crisp air with the first hints of the coming change in seasons that would soon be Fall.

It was shortly before 9:00 AM and I was working at the computer in my “Parkway South” (aka home) law office in South Minneapolis. I had a television on in the background with the CBS Morning Show on when I heard Bryant Gumbel announce reports of a fire at the World Trade Center. I thought to myself, “this has got to be interesting…” and got up and went over to the t.v. just in time to see what looked like a shadow pass in back of one of the towers only to explode out of the side of the tower facing the camera in a spectacular orange fire ball.

As I stood there staring at the television screen in utter disbelief, the telephone rang and like I was in some kind of strange, hypnotic trance, I picked up the receiver and said hello without even glancing, as was my custom, at the caller ID. You see, I had consulted earlier that summer with a potential client, a bank robbery suspect, being held under a federal hold at the Sherburne County, MN jail. At the time they were constructing a new federal courthouse and detention center in downtown Minneapolis and until the new facility was ready, the federal government was contracting with Sherburne County, which had just built a state of the art facility with plenty of capacity, to house federal detainees and prisoners awaiting trial and/or hearing.

When my prospective client did not come up with the retainer fee, I stopped taking his collect calls from the Sherburne County jail which had run up to a not insignificant amount. Because my prospective client had been accused by jail staff of being uncooperative, they had moved him into the solitary confinement wing at the Sherburne County jail.

Hearing the voice of my unrequited client, I snapped out of my trance and unleashed a torrent of verbage, something to the effect: “You would never believe what just happened, I just watched an airliner fly into and explode against one of the World Trade Centers…”. Over the course of the next hour, the one hour my client had outside his cell in solitary, I relayed the incoming news to my client who in turn was passing along the information to the other prisoners in the solitary wing by yelling updates down the hall.

It was not until the next day and reading the Minneapolis and St. Paul newspapers did we discover that also in the solitary wing of the Sherburne County jail that day was Zacarias Moussaoui, who has been held since August of 2001 after raising suspicions at a Minnesota flight school. Despite what the newspapers reported as when Moussaoui first learned of the attacks when he walked into a television lounge and saw new reports later in the day, to which he allegedly pumped his fist in triumph, both my prospective client and I knew the truth, that we were the first persons to apprise him of the news of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.

If you will remember, in the days following 911 there was considerable discussion of the government listening in on attorney client phone calls from jail and you can bet I was sweating that I would receive a phone call from the FBI asking me to explain myself, which thankfully never came.

This story just goes to show how interconnected we are and how small the world is that I would play a role in the most defining event of our generation. Kevin Bacon eat your heart out.