Local Ohio Man to Open Republican National Convention Tonight

In what was already going to be one of the strangest national political conventions in modern history just got a little stranger.  In an attempt to deflect attention from the joke at the top of the ticket, former corrupt Congressman and house speaker (no not the child molester) now known as "newt, Trump's brain" has tapped Phil Davison, who formerly sought the nomination of the Stark County Ohio Republican Party Executive Committee for Stark County Treasurer to be the opening speaker at tonight's convention.  Davison, one of the GOP's most rousing speakers is expected to deliver one of his tour de force performances and show the Republicans just how weird things can get for as HST famously said "When the going gets weird the weird turn pro".