"Sell the House, Sell the Car, Sell the Kids...I've Gone Native @ the RNC!"

Much like Marlon Brando's character, Colonel Kurtz, in "Apocalypse Now" I have finally snapped and am now hiding away in our own little local version of Cambodian Hell formerly known as Pigs Eye and now called St. Paul, as the adopted leader and Shaman of a local tribe, the Republicans.

This is a very odd tribe, these RE-PUB-LI-CANS. I mean, it's not so much their peculiar habits of dress, a uniform consisting of blue blazers for men, dress suits for the not so lil' women and big ugly hats for all. Talk about a city full of big hats and no cattle!!! But rather, it is more their peculiar manner of communication that really makes you have to wonder.

These Republicans do not seem too big on details, or the written word for that matter, as they appear to be a more primitive people; more comfortable expressing themselves, much like their not so ancient ancestors, the cromagnums and neocons, through picture glyphs, photographs and drawings, rather than through reasoned, rational and thoughtful speech or writings.

Circling the block of downtown St. Paul Wednesday late afternoon where my older brother, sister and I were having an early dinner in a restaurant, were a caravan of panel trucks with their sides turned into huge rolling billboards of crystal clear blown up images of decapitated and disemboweled, weeks old aborted fetuses. Talk about family values for 4:30 PM on the streets of a formally peaceful and respectful mid-sized Midwestern city! These heroes are true Christians, just ask them, they are more than happy to tell you thru their blaring bull horn and huge banner screaming "You Sinners Are Going to Hell" or other Christian-like sentiment.

Following our dinner, we strolled across the street to Rice Park where MSNBC had their stage and live outdoor studio set up. Clarance Page, Lawrence O'Donnell's replacement on the McGlauglin Group following his Mormon meltdown, walked by, Casper Milktoast in the flesh. The celebrity political newsreader Rachel Meadows was on stage along with the rest of the hot-air polluters. Just give me the freebies so I can get the hell out of here....

After collecting anthropological proof of this tribe's existence, we headed out of the tribes village, right past the preacher with the bullhorn. I was walking next to my older brother, a conservative appearing, corporate legal type and steered him right in front of the bullhorned preacher man and planted a kiss on him, much to his great surprise and the the preacher's chagrin, as he had earlier been railing on the "gays and homosexuals"!

As the Pink stickers on the progressives read: "Make Out, Not War!" But take this one person's humble advice: Not with your brother!! Yechh!! Sppittt!!!!