Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Onion: "Rumors Swirl Around Palin"

The Onion, knowing all good humor and satire is based upon the truth, recently published the following:

Ever since Sen. John McCain's selection of Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, the press has been abuzz with rumors about the former mayor of Wasilla, AK. Here are some of the more persistent rumors:

As a local Alaskan sportscaster, her signature on-air phrase was "Life begins at conception";

An evening-gown-clad Palin personally drilled a clumsy but functional oil well during the talent portion of the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant;

Actually a Muslim;

A lower-back tattoo of Alaska can be seen when Palin wears low-riding jeans;

In addition to the five children that the media are aware of—Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig—Palin also has nine secret children: Frag, Moss, Scoot, Skiffer, Minnow, Plow, Snatch, Twiglet, and Drum;

Elaborate moose-lowering-for-sex machine gathers dust in basement;

The Republican Party installed Palin as mayor of Wasilla, AK in 1996 to begin grooming her for a position as VP;

Palin a viable candidate.

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