Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Last To Know: A Belated But Well Deserved Eulogy for A Life Long Friend

Scott Lester Greene
Dec. 22, 1957-Nov. 27, 2011

The Marine Corps must have had my friend Scott Greene in mind when it came up with the creed "No Better Friend, No Worse enemy".  

I was puttering around the house this past weekend when I came upon some pictures circa 1992.  The Skins were playing Buffalo in the Super Bowl here in Minnesota and I was visited by my old high school buddy Jeff Greene and his older, legendary brother Scott.  Our friendship went back to when we were on the tennis team at M.S.T.A. (McLean Swimming and Tennis Association)  and where the Greene family were also star swimmers. Jeff and I later battled for our junior high tennis championship.  I won't say who won but the headline from the article in the school paper still causes me to wince ("Right on Jeff Greene").

Scott was universally loved by his friends (and universally despised by their wives) for being  the source of excitement or trouble, depending on your perspective.  From my perspective, there was not a better friend, funnier guy to hang out with as you were always guaranteed an adventure.  While anyone who knew Scott knew what a hard ass he could be, if they really knew him, also know what a truly good person was hidden under that rugged exterior and "I don't give a F__K" attitude.

So it came like a punch in the solar plexus to learn this past weekend that the reason I had not heard from my old friend for several years had nothing to do with stories I had heard a few years back that his life had unfortunately gotten horribly off track and everything to do with the fact that my friend was dead.  Scott Greene dead?  No!  It just couldn't be!  Nothing could bring down Scott, he was the meanest son of a bitch in this or any valley.  But alas it is true.

Now this is something really hard to admit and if Scott is watching from somewhere out there I know he is going to kick my ass for saying this but in the last three days twice I have just broken down and cried like a baby.  My mind has been flooded with every memory of Scott Greene that wasn't suppressed to protect my psyche, and what became poignantly obvious was what a good friend he truly was.  I was also overcome by overwhelming sadness when I realized that many of the great times I have had in life, virtually all of my funniest stories, all involved Scott Greene.  Goddamn you Pump! You will be missed and I hope you knew before you left us how much you were loved.

Lester?  What were Bill and Audrey thinking? (or drinking?)

P.S. How much fun did we have Super Bowl week back in 1992?  Let's just say my ex left me for 2 weeks over that one.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

KSTP's Beth McDonough* Reports On Hubbard Broadcasting's Latest Shit Canning: Rusty "The Great Gatsby" Gatenby


In a characteristic display of Hubbard Broadcasting loyalty and concern for a beloved employee with over 30 years of service to the company, KSTP confirmed today it has shit canned Traffic/Hollywood Reporter  Rusty "The Great Gatsby" Gatenby.  Reporting live on this breaking story we go to KSTP's answer to Edward R. Murrow, Beth "Hold Nothing Back" McDonough:

"That's right,  Rusty "The Great Gatsby" Gatenby, said he did not feel up to another on camera interview but in talking with him just a little bit ago he was holding nothing back":

Gatenby:  "Stan Hubbard is the biggest co@%sucking motherf#c%ing tightwad of a Grinch who stole Christmas if there ever was one!!  I can't wait to p!$$ on his grave!  30 years of my motherf#c%ing life and this is how they treat a loyal employee at a time when he is most in need of support.  The co@%sucker said I was like the red headed stepchild he always wished he never had! I'll kill that senile old son of a b!t@h..."

McDonough:  "Well there you have it.  Now for a photo montage we stole off Rusty's Facebook page without his permission I give you KSTP's tribute to the life and career of  Rusty "The Great Gatsby" Gatenby:

The early years:

Rusty Gatenby fishing on his bicycle:

And sadly, whenever you have a meteoric rise to being a Traffic/Hollywood Reporter for the last place local television station in the country's 15th largest market you can go from this

to this:

The spectacular crash and burnout when all that glitz and glamour is gone, this is all that remains.

"This is Beth "the mugger without pearls" McDonough reporting live for KSTP on Rusty "The Great Gatsby" Gatenby who was holding nothing back."