Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Romney's Triumphant Return From His Semester Abroad

Having wowed the British with his tact, done more for peace in the Middle East than Sadaam Hussien and insulted more ethnic groups than Joseph Goebbels, Mr. Warmth Mitt Romney makes his triumphant return to America today.

As evidence of Romneymania, Karl Rove, formerly Bush's bain, er... I mean brain, noted a tectonic shift in the presidential race with the Garden State moving from formerly a toss up state to now solidly in Romney's camp.  What's that you say?  New Jersey's gone over to the dark side?  To paraphrase the Spass in Animal House (i.e. "What you expect me to do you moron...") No you stupid Mormon, the Garden State as in the "Garden of Eden State" which of course all Mormons know is Missilou, best known for being a pro slavery border state and an oasis of cheap cigarettes.

Romney's aides, hoping to at least salvage the Polish part of his world tour, a tour designed to burnish his vast foreign policy experience, which experience up to now has consisted of exporting U.S. jobs to nearly a dozen foreign countries when he was CEO and sole shareholder of Bain, (but not actually in charge as he "was working 16 hours a day saving the Olympics", apparently from the British) tried to hustle their candidate out of Poland without any further public statements by America's answer to Prince Charming.  How's that for a run on sentence!

Unfortunately for his staffers and much to the chagrin of his hosts, seeing an unattended P.A. mic at the airport and thinking it was a  microphone set up for his press conference, the erstwhile candidate forever endeared himself to the Polish people by stepping up to the ticketing station mic and in some impromptu remarks, reminded them of their wide ranging and inalienable ties, cultural, strategic and militarily to Germany and the Soviet Union.  Drawing an analogy similar to that of the United States and Mexico or Israel and Palestine, Romney stated that "Poland shall forever be in debt to its great benefactors Nazi Germany and Stalinist Russia".

Well done Mitt.  Not since my daughter's semester abroad in London a few years back, has an American gone over seas and thrown up all over themselves with such panache!  Well done indeed!

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