Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Viscous Pre-Caucus Fluid* Seen Leaking From Luvurne

On the eve of the biggest prize yet in the Republican presidential sweepstakes, the candidate a drunken imbecile fool of a media personality (Glen Beck) once dubbed "a Churchill for our times", was seen emanating from a seedy movie theater in the Southwestern Minnesota town of Luvurne yesterday.

Made famous by newspaper columnist Dan Savage in his column Savage Love, this obscure but frothy mixture of an ultra conservative, homophobic excuse for a former Senator from the Keystone State was selling his body to the highest bidders in a cheap celluloid palace.

The evenings festivities got under way precisely at 7:00 PM proving that fascists were always capable of making the trains run on time. After a heart felt reading of their international anthem Deutschland ├╝ber alles, the Neo-Nazis that make up the Minnesota Republican Party quickly got down to business passing on unanimous voice votes their plans to turn FEMA Camps into Serb style homosexual rape camps so their repressed members will finally be free to quit living the lie that they are Christians.

The evenings entertainment was a live sex act performed onstage between what looked like one of Katherine the Great's horses but was actually a soon to be former Minnesota State Senator and her bitch, former MN Republican Party Chair Boss Hog Sutton's little buddy, all set to the tune of "Brown Eyed Girl".

Following a very productive evening of debauchery, former MN gubernatorial candidate Allen Quist invited everyone over to the town's funeral parlour to engage in the Quist family version of scrap booking, i.e. carving fetuses out of corpses.**

*Definition: Santorum
Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Function: noun
Savage Love - 05/29/03

1. The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.
2. Former Senator Rick Santorum

**Years ago, when Quist's first wife died while nearly seven months pregnant, Quist had the fetus removed from her body and displayed in an open casket so his family could properly grieve for an unborn child. It was one of a series of revelations from the '94 campaign--another was Quist's assertion that men had a "genetic predisposition" to rule the household--that torpedoed his primary bid after he'd been endorsed at the last GOP convention. It also fueled the notion that he is unelectable in Minnesota.

Monday, January 30, 2012

MN GOP Playing Politics With Appointments: the Two Parties Are Not "Just the Same"

We hear it all the time. I even hear it from my closest friends, people who I genuinely like and respect constantly say: "Oh they all do it" or "There is no difference between the two" or "They're just alike". Sometimes I think my friends say it just to get a rise out of me because they know nothing exasperates me more than this misinformed cop out.

No matter how many times I point out powerful, irrefutable examples of instances where Republicans have put personal, party, class and or special interests ahead of the country's interest, their response is always the same. Like the mindless drones from a B grade horror flick they continue to chant the mantra: "They all do it" as if a variation of the aspirational Nike commercial "Just do it".

No, actually Virgina , they are not just alike. Like a family court judge once told me the world is not black and white but a series of shades of grey. Well if this is true (which in the case of that family law matter was not, I was right and she was wrong) then the Republican Party is a very very very dark shade of grey and the Democrats are are very very very light shade of grey.

Case in point, this week the Minnesota Senate is going to refuse to approve Governor Dayton's choice to head the Public Utilities Commission, former State Senator Ellen Anderson. The capitol gossip is that the Republicans are in essence "firing" a highly qualified, intelligent and quintessential good person as "payback" for the DFL refusing to reappoint Governor Pawlenty's Lt. Governor, Carol Molnau to a second term as head of the Minnesota Department of Transportation. Now the uninformed would ignorantly throw up their hands and say: "You see, they all do it!"

There are just two small differences between the two actions: it was a huge and unprecedented conflict of interest for a Lieutenant Governor to also serve as commissioner of one of the state's largest and most critical departments, one in which she was wholly unqualified to run and which was done merely as a cost savings matter and number two, and this is a big one:


It would have been professional malfeasance and dereliction of duty to reappoint such a buffoon and shame on Governor Good N Plenty for even nominating her for a second term.

So Virgina, if you cannot see nuances in this world, if both of the above actions seem equal to you, then Virgina my dear there is a Santa Claus.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Austerity Reshaping U.S. Political Landscape: Republicans More Than Willing to Throw America Under the Bus

Long time Washington Post political reporter Thomas Edsall's new book "The Age of Austerity: How Scarcity Will Remake American Politics" beautifully summarizes my observations of the body politic in this formerly great country of ours.

Wait a second, did you say formerly great? Yes I did. Well then, you admit that President Obama has been the direct cause of the decline of American civilization?

Hardly. Quite to the contrary. Rather it has been the forces of conservatism, largely Republicans, Tea Baggers if you will, and their push for all things Austerity at the very time when every past Congress and administration, Democrat and Republican alike, have increased spending on public works projects to spur the economy, to get it over the hump, until consumer spending kicks back in and prosperity returns for all.

Like the engineers at Three Mile Island, the know nothing Republicans, Tea Baggers and fiscal conservatives are operating under misinformation and doing the exact opposite of what is needed to pull us out of a dire situation. The false notion that severely curtailing budgets and balancing the budget at the federal level is the panacea to all our problems is in fact a recipe for disaster.

Unfortunately like Ronald Reagan adroitly and cynically proved, if you repeat a lie long enough to the ignorant and lazy American public, they will not only begin to believe it, they will embrace it. That is why all the stupid ignoramuses in this country think Reagan was some kind of great hero when in fact he was a brain addled idiot controlled by a martinet of a wife who screwed Frank Sinatra in the White House when he was out of town.

What does any of this have to do with Tom Edsall's new book? Not much. But it sure felt good getting it off my chest.

To see what Tom Edsall's new book is really like go to the PBS NewsHour site and watch or read the transcript of his excellent interview with Judy Woodruff.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

All the Best Canadian Oilmen Have Chinese Eyes

I am taking a peremptory strike here and admitting I took a little journalistic license in my last post. My dear sister who I dismissively labeled as "red state" is actually a bastion of beauty and intelligence in what at times can seem like an ugly and ignorant setting.

I mean their legislature did not have the smallest amount of constitutional knowledge that it would pass the most ridiculous knee jerk, xenophobic, hate-filled legislation calling for a ban on adopting Sharia law which was of course struck down by the appellate court.

What my sister actually asked me was why the President would kill the pipeline project when the Canadians were now going to sell all their oil to the Chinese. Like most Republican talking points, there is a kernel of truth to this story, a kernel in a silo of falsehood. What I believe the mass emailers are talking about is the first reaction to the denial of the Keystone permit by a Canadian proponent of the pipeline and government official.

Although the initial unthoughtful reaction was something to the effect that the Canadians would just now have to sell the oil to the Chinese, the official Canadian government reaction was much more realistic and measured and stated something to the effect that the Keystone project was not over, that there are plenty of other pipelines and methods of getting the oil to U.S. markets and in a global economy the Chinese are free to buy oil on the international market.

Besides, in my discussions with a geologist and head of an energy think tank, the beef against the Canadian oil sands is that while it is currently economically viable to extract the oil at $100 a barrel and up, like ethanol from corn, you expend almost as much energy and leave such a large carbon footprint in the process. Furthermore, they have not reached a compromise on bypassing the Sandhill region of Nebraska.

So there you have it. Pete Townsend eat your heart out.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Coat Hangers, Pipeline Jobs and No Taxes: Let's Be Serious, the Adult in the Room is Not Going to be a Repubulican

Let's get serious for a minute. I know, I know, it's not easy when a national humor magazine ran a faux headline last week: "Minnesota Braces for Bachmann 's Full Attention". As if on cue, Bachmann, not exactly Minnesota's shrinking violet, made her first public appearance in Minnesota in over a year at the annual Roe vs. Wade protest at the State Capitol proclaiming that at this time next year we will be well on the way to overturning Roe.

If past performance is in any way a good predictor of the future, we can expect that Bachmann will unveil her new legislative agenda, adding to that torrent of legislation that has flowed from Bachmann in her three terms as Congresswoman, she will soon introduce a bill protecting coat hangers, just like the incandescent light bulb. Why coat hangers? They will be in short supply if Bachmann and her Republican colleagues get their way in overturning Roe. I still have not heard one of these geniuses idea as to how we are going to avoid going right back to back alley and Mexican abortions for our mothers, sisters and daughters.

Item number two, why does Obama hate jobs? That must have been one of the Republican talking points last week. How do I know this? Because my red state sister asked me that in all seriousness yesterday, apparently in reference to the President refusing to short cut the permitting process for the Keystone oil pipeline, which would run near one of this country's most important bird sanctuaries in Nebraska. With the oil industry past performance in the gulf firmly in mind, one thing we do not need now is relaxing regulations on these bozos.

The question I have for Republican politicians, both state and national, is why are the only jobs you are willing to promote in the entire country are pipeline jobs? Historically speaking, ahem, Mr. Gingrich, bipartisan elected officials, both state and national, have helped to create public works jobs during times of economic slowdowns as a means of jump starting the economy, driven largely by consumer spending.

Unfortunately, the Republicans are playing politics with working class and middle income people's lives and would have the less informed believe that the only jobs in the whole country are the 2,000 to 6,000 jobs anticipated by the Keystone project. Don't believe me? Just read the paper, oh no wait, that is too much work when I can just turn on Fox news, be it radio or television and hear the Fox news readers mouth the latest Republican talking points.

Speaking of history, the good economic times that were the Clinton years were in part due to his Republican predecessor having the guts to do what was good for the country at the time and raising taxes. The fiscal problems facing the country is not due to a lack of taxes paid by the working and middle classes, but rather the huge tax cuts that went to the investment class during Bush II. That is why millionaire and billionaires like Buffet and Romney pay only 15% in federal taxes while you and I pay closer to 30%. If the electorate really wants to send Washington the message"It's the economy, stupid" not only must we re-elect the president, we must send him back with Democratic majorities in both houses.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Neut's Latest Lie: Obama Food Stamp President? Nice Try Neut, But the Truth is That Bush is The Food Stamp President

"Neut", short for neutered Gingrich, is up to his old tricks. Tonight America will learn more about this paragon of conservative and Republican virtues. We'll hear all about his two divorces, womanizing and request for an open marriage with wife number 2. While this should render his campaign dead, since he is relying on the Evangelical Christian vote to win. However, I noticed a clever ploy used by the "rules don't apply to me gang" and "I'm a hypocrite and I don't care crowd", that is they can commit whatever sin, crime, and or immoral conduct they want to and we are supposed to give him a free pass because his religion believes in forgiveness. Ahhh BULLSHIT!!

If these finger pointers were true Christians they would not be judging everyone BUT THEMSELVES.

So judge for yourselves: Who is the Real Food Stamp President? Why of course, George W. Bush, a conservative Republican. But Republicans are great at repeating the big lie until they believe things like Iraq had something to do with 911, truth be damned.

Well Damn all of you hypocrite christians and Republicans, there is an especially warm corner of hell waiting for you.

To read the proof that Neut is lying : http://factcheck.org/2012/01/newts-faulty-food-stamp-claim/

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Future Is Now: Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce and Me.

No this is not a George Allen Sr. sequel. Well then, what does Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce and high colonics have in common? You obviously know nothing about prognosticators and their predilections.

I, for instance, know that the Edgar Cayce World Headquarters was located in Virgina Beach, Virgina in the late 1970'. I know this because I was on a road trip with my friends John and Lamont following our graduation from high school. Also on the trip was Lamont's very cool and pretty hippie girlfriend. Her only fault if you could call it one, was her hippie stoner belief in all things mystic and metaphysical and her topic du jour was this great psychic Edgar Cayce. According to the pulp paperback Miss Hippie had, Edgar was the second coming. According to her book, this Cayce character predicted everything from the Great Depression to World Wars I and II as well as the Kennedy Assassination.

The entire drive down to Virgina Beach it was "Edgar predicted this..." and "Edgar said that..." the whole f#@king way. As we hit the outskirts of Virgina Beach someone spotted the signs heralding "Edgar Cayce World Headquarters and Museum". "You have to stop! You Have to Stop!!" hippie chick squealed with glee. Lamont looked at me as we both rolled our eyes when Johnny , like the big softie he was, dutifully pulled over much to hippie chick's delite. I would have much preferred that we drive the extra three miles to the ocean and a motel room where we could start partying.

I was even more perturbed when the young Jane Fonda insisted that we all shell out the outrageous sum of $5 or $7 to gain entrance to this holiest of shrines. It was to hippie chick's complete devastation and to one of my life's more fondest memories when it turned out that the Edgar Cayce World Headquarters and Museum was nothing more than a shrine to high colonics.

As best as I could tell from the exhibits, which consisted of black and white photos of a series of brick and colonial style buildings set next to actual hoses and pans all connected to a story line contained on placards extolling the virtues of deep cleansing for even the most serious and fatal diseases, good old Edgar was cleaning out the terminally ill and desparate.

I ran giggling and gushing like a child from one exhibit to the next reading each placard much too loudly and hysterically laughing emphasizing the colonic aspect of each exhibit along with choice noises I made by blowing my lips into the palms of my hands. "Look everyone!" I screamed in delight, "Edgar shoved this hose up..."and "Edgar used that pan..." and on and on I went to the absolute horror of Lamont's girlfriend. It don't get any more delicious than that.

And with that incredibly banal digression I give you:

Plainsense's Proctological Political Prediction for 2012

Pretty but pooped Michele Bachmann packs it in following a crappy performance in Iowa.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

And the Weiner Is..."That's Not Tea It's GOP"

That's right, we have a tie for the First Annual Poser of the Year Award. The "Mary Edgar" goes to the Republican Party and to all members of the so called Tea Party for letting themselves be co-opted and hijacked by the very people who put us all in the financial predicament we find ourselves in today, the Republican Party.

Whether it was crony capitalism, tax breaks for the uber wealthy during wartime, trading in bogus securitized mortgages or selling the same bogus investments short, all tracks lead back to the GOP. So the idea that the groundswell of public anger should be co-opted and hijacked by the likes of Michelle Bachmann and her ilk is laughable. The U.S. House Republicans were directly responsible for the lowering of the U.S. credit rating as a result of their game playing and brinkmanship over raising the debt limit, an issue no one ever played politics with in the past.

Locally, the Minnesota Republicans were directly responsible for shutting down state government to the detriment of the state's credit rating and bringing UNCERTAINTY, the new boogieman, to the mindless zombies who repeated the chant in unison all the while pointing their stupid , bony, mindless fingers at the Obama administration while taking absolutely no responsibility for the very problems they were themselves causing. Amazing. Exactly! (Nod out to Lake Superior State.)

Adding hypocrisy to injury was the Minnesota Republican Senate Caucus who punished and illegally retaliated against two of the ugliest, most loathsome human beings for having the audacity to hook up and share the love. Family values indeed. Amazing . Exactly!

Not to be outdone, the Republican majority leaders of both of the state's chambers played games with the Democratic Governor who was working earnestly and in good faith on the Vikings Stadium while at the same time stabbing him and the state in the back with secret emails to the rank and file vowing to sabotage any deal. Senate Majority leader Amy "Craig" Koch even gave an interview to Minnesota Public Radio extolling what the Vikings meant to her: "A great big bowl of chili on a Sunday afternoon". Sports and food. That's all the Sabbath means to Petunia. Amazing. Exactly!

So take a bow Tea Party and Republican Party members for you all are the 2011 Posers of the Year!!