Sunday, January 24, 2010

SPECIAL REPORT****WEATHER ALERT****SPECIAL REPORT


Residents of the state of Louisiana, you have less than FOUR HOURS notice to vacate low lying places (like the SuperDome) because Hurricane Brett is coming and is expected to hit land at 5:40 PM on January 24th.

"Who dat?" It's the Vikings and we're coming to pillage. SKOL VIKINGS!!!!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Massachusetts Massacre and Supreme Court Decision Bode Ominous Times Ahead for Dems


As if the news this week were not bad enough for Democrats and informed working class people, what with the Cosmo pin-up boy toy Scott Brown fiasco in Massachusetts (which just goes to show that sex sells), the U.S. Supreme Court delivered an even more crushing blow with its decision in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission released yesterday.

In a 5-4 split decision, the conservative majority in the Supreme Court struck down the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002 (BCRA), a federal law which prohibited corporations and unions from using their general treasury funds to make independent expenditures for speech that is an “electioneering communication” or for speech that expressly advocates the election or defeat of a candidate. The Court held that because the question cannot be resolved on other, narrower grounds without chilling political speech, the Court must consider the continuing effect of the speech suppression upheld in a previous case, Austin. The Court then expressly overruled Austin stating that it no longer provides a basis for allowing the Government to limit corporate independent expenditures.

Now the Republicans will try to convince the ignorant masses, the Know Nothings and the Tea Baggers that this is a great victory for free speech, apple pie and the American way, just like pin-up boy's victory in Massachusetts, as the court's decision also frees up spending by the red menace, labor unions. But make no mistake, the average citizen, even united, even all the labor unions in the country combined, will prove no match for the corrupting power of billions of corporate dollars. Doesn't anyone remember or even care about the K Street Scandal? Hopefully Congress can come up with a counter in the form of legislation that will meet constitutional muster or there will be dire times ahead for the middle and working classes which are the backbone of this country.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Countdown To Vikings Victory: Five Reasons Why Minnesota Will Beat New Orleans


Reason #5. Drew Brees is the illegitimate step-child of Pierre a.k.a. Breezy Bear.







Reason #4. Brett is a more masculine name for a quarterback than Francis is.








Reason #3. Brad Childress' rousing "Win One for the Gipper" speech dedicated to the memory of Sen. Edward M. Kennedy.










Reason #2. Surrounded by all those horns, a horned-up Reggie Bush will mistake the posteriors of the Williams Twins for the Kardashian Twins and will keep running into the arms of his tacklers.









Reason #1: A Vikings Victory will drive all the bitter crybabies, also known as Packer Fans, Wisconsinites and Fair Weather Favre Fans, out of their tiny little Cheese-Head minds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Robert Gordon & his Gang Can Still Hang With the Best of Them



The hottest ticket in Minneapolis this past weekend was not to the Metrodome and the Vikings Annihilation of the Dallas Cowboys 34-3 in the NFC Divisional Playoff game on Sunday, but rather the Rockabilly Event of the year at Lee's Liquor Lounge: Robert Gordon & the Gang They Couldn't Hang featuring Stray Cats drummer Slim Phantom, original Sex Pistols bassist Glen Matlock and the phenomenal guitar legend Chris Spedding.


Like any music fan who grew up in the Washington, D.C. area in the 1970's I was an ardent fan of the Maryland native, who was easily the greatest Rockabilly singer/stylist of his generation. I have also seen several concerts over the years by Mr. Gordon, both good and bad. The good included the show he did with Chris Spedding on guitar 32 years ago this March at Ritchie Coliseum at the University of Maryland and the bad, like the half hour performance he did with Link Wray at the Cabooze Bar in Minneapolis some years later. Happily last night was a triumph for all concerned.

Taking the stage around 11:30 PM (following opening sets by the Fuck Knights and the Restless Ones, both of which showed a potential for bigger things, if they remember to change it up every now and then and use more dynamics and less energy), Gordon and gang opened with one of Robert's signature numbers off of Fresh Fish Special, "The Way I Walk" followed by "Lover Boy" from his Gatton days.
Robert may be looking older these days, aren't we all, but the real disconcerting thing was that the co-founding member of the Sex Pistols looked in better shape for the years than I did!

Said Sir Glen Matlock, who provided a muscular backing bass line throughout the nearly one Hour and thirty minute performance also was given the reigns for a couple of night's selections, as were the other members of the gang, including a rousing but not snearing, rendition of the Pistols banned hit in Britan, "God Save the Queen" (which the make-up wearing glamour boys in the Restless Ones thought, Carly Simon-like, was about them. Only kidding.)


The weakest and youngest member of the gang, Stray Cat's stand-up drummer, Slim Phantom, had a little fun fucking with the crowd saying there was a good friend in the crowd and sarcastically that they needed his help (Spedding was playing circles around anything Minneapolis-transplant Brian Setzer could do) on the next one before launching into "Rock This Town" to the crowds excited whispers and glee. Sorry folks, no Setzer but who needed him. Certainly not Chris Spedding whose 4 songs were "Lonely Weekend", " Nite Patrol", "Guitar Jamboree" in which he made his Eddie Cochran-style Gretch sound like Albert King's Flying Vee to Hendrix's Strat and every great guitarist, except Danny Gatton, in between, and his signature song about his "Motorbike" (also known as a motorcycle here in the States).


But the true star of this night of musical Make Believe was Mr. Gordon. Robert was having a ball in great spirits, looking alert and healthy and most importantly in fine voice. Nobody, and I mean nobody, except Elvis of course, can sing like Robert Gordon, whose banter with the pretty women up front continued all night long. In addition to the songs previously mentioned Gordon ripped through Minnesota's-own, Eddie Cochran's "'C'mon Everybody", Elvis' "Suspicion", "Look Who's Blue" off of "Are You Gonna Be the One", the song Springsteen gave to him, "Fire", complete with great guitar sample by Spedding, "I Wanna Be Inside You", "Thing Called Rock", "Sweet Nothings", another Elvis, "Devil in Disguise", Dion's "The Wanderer", the King's "Mess of Blues", a good new number "Hot Rod", "You Make Me Wanna Get Next to You", the requested and requested "Black Slacks", "It's Only Make Believe" and the anthem "Rockabilly Boogie". Rockabilly indeed!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Horrific Calamity, Honorable Conduct in Hispaniola While Back in Virginia Beach...



The news coming out of Haiti this past week has truly been horrific. The tiny, impoverished (lowest per capita income in the Western Hemisphere) island located on the Western half of the island of Hispaniola, an island it shares with its eastern neighbor, the Dominican Republic. Latest reports estimate that the 7.0 earthquake has killed perhaps as many as 75-100,000 people.

It has now been a little more than three days since the disaster struck and although there are a handful of reports of violence or looting starting to trickle in, the vast majority of the reports are truly humbling as the Haitian people have responded with self-reliance and dignity. Equally impressive has been, with at least one notable exception, the response of the wealthy nations, most notably, of course, the United States, whose people, NGO's and charities have raised a staggering $400 million dollars in 72 hours.

Now back to that notable, abominable exception. It comes from none other than a leading spokesman for the conservative right, cuckoo wing, of the Republican Party, the irReverend Pat Robertson. Just like after 911, Pastor Pat, a man who does not have the slightest clue as to what it means to be a Christian, lashed out at the victim, implying his perverted concept of God's divine retribution.

"They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal," the televangelist said during the broadcast."

"Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other," in contrast, he went on, comparing Haiti to its more wealthy and fortunate neighbor, the Dominican Republic.

As despicable as the idiotic comments coming out of Virgina Beach are, there is always Rush Limbaugh. Never one to be left out of the running for the "Stupidest Thing Ever Said Contest", Limbaugh is quoted as saying that President Obama was using the tragedy to “boost his creditability with the black community” and said that we already donate U.S taxpayer dollars to Haiti. Spoken like a true role model for his myopic minions in the Tea Bagger Party who want to derail health care reform to most likely their own and the country's detriment.

In actuality, the Obama Administration has handled the matter just about right. Led correctly by its civilian face in the form of the U.S. Ambassador to Haiti and Secretary of State Clinton, the U.S. has taken control of the airport and airspace due to the heavy demands on flight control. Former Presidents Clinton and George W. Bush have been named to lead the U.S. humanitarian response. The far more tricky job is yet to come: that of monitoring the expenditure of aid money to prevent the fraud and corruption that has been the hallmark of Haitian Governments of the past century. Hopefully this time the United Nations, the wealthy nations, the myriad of NGO's and charitable organizations and most importantly, the Haitian People will get it right. May God Bless Them.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Steaming Mad In Minnesota



Listening to Liz Cheney opine her ridiculous garbage on ABC's aspirational named segment, the"Roundtable", (the Algonquin Room they are not) this Sunday morning makes me scratch my head and wonder out loud whether there is anybody besides her father and herself so inbred and so stupid to believe their made up criticisms of the President and the current administration. It would be one thing had the Cheneys, Micheal Steeles or John Boehners or their likes on the Republican side been offering any constructive input or even constructive criticisms, over the course of this past year, be it on health care reform, counter-terrorism or the economy, but unfortunately of course they had not. Instead they have been a one hit wonder of negativity and obstructionism to the point where they appear just plain old downright silly.

I mean to complain that it took 12 or 24 or even 48 hours for the current President to respond to the Christmas Day attempted bombing in Detroit when in comparison it took the former Commander in Chief, George W, 6 Days to respond to the shoebomber, Richard Reed attack is just so pathetically hypocritical as to be silly. If they cannot come up with one serious thing to say they should just shut up.

Another example of the vapid commentary coming from the right these days comes from none other than their fearless leader himself Oxycontin Man a/k/a the Big Fat Idiot a/k/a Rush Limbaugh. Upon being released from the hospital recently, the degenerative drug addict proclaimed, and I paraphrase, "my recent hospitalization and the excellent care I received is proof that there is nothing wrong with the American Health care system". Spoken like the typical neau veux rich pig that he is. Of course, the ever empathetic Limbaugh cannot see past his big fat pig jowls and gold-plated health insurance plan with unlimited coverage for drug addicts like himself, to the over 38 million uninsured Americans, who find his proclamation on the health of the U.S. Health Care system to be a little less than reassuring.

You know, if one did not know any better, one might think that it was an actual strategy on the part of the right wing in this country to promote a policy of such acerbic public discourse so if they could not win one over to their side with rhetoric they would so poison the well so as to turn off the average person by their divisiveness. Oh that's right, this is an actual, documented page out of the right wing politician's playbook as leaked to the press over the last several election cycles. No wonder my less informed friends just throw their hands up over their ears and lament "they're all alike" or "they all do it" which is completely untrue, at least in degree.

So what do you do if you are stuck in Minnesota in the first week of January and in the midst of a streak of subzero high temperatures and a political climate looking just as frigid? You feel the need, THE NEED FOR STEAM. Steam Shower that is. So instead of a panic room, I have elected to build an anti-panic room or steam shower room to be exact, complete with chroma therapy lighting, rain fall shower, six whirlpool jets and surround sound system all enclosed in tempered glass. Who knows, maybe if Liz Cheney will just shut up I will invite her over for steamed vegetable night.